Friday, September 27, 2013

Winning!!! (Not Like Charlie Sheen)

Due to "working in a distant location", my work provided a hotel the last two nights. I was afforded the chance to sleep in a regular bed and take a warm shower and after the cramped sleeping quarters in my car, you would think I would have slept like a rock. I wouldn't label it as bad sleep, but I woke up feeling about the same as a night in the Hyundai which seems odd considering I am a bit of a bed hog and love to stretch out. 

After 30 years of life, I've finally learned that if I'm not sleeping well it is probably because I'm stressed and worrying about something. It's never something obvious, just a subconscious nagging that wears me out. The topic doesn't really matter, money, relationships etc, it all really boils down to fear of being powerless and alone - but mostly alone. 

You hear people talk about "making it" or "winning life" but what does that mean? There are two kinds of people in the world: those who possess inner peace and those who don't. A good demonstration is when an individual gets a windfall. Most either blow it in an attempt to make themselves happy or hoard it because they are so afraid of losing what they know they lack the capacity to regain if they make poor spending choices. Folks who are at peace are usually going to change very little. 

Part of the motivation for living in my car is to give my brain less things to worry about but as the last two days have proven, it's not the amount of bills or lack thereof that makes one feel at peace. At what point will I feel like I'm okay? If I'm living in a cardboard box with a million in the bank? I'm sure I'd probably worry about the government taking my money or something else stupid. This quote by Arthur Ashe is my mantra "Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can". There is no quantifiable point of winning life because it's not a one time event, a linear scale or a destination. It's a mindset of accepting each moment and the circumstances you are in. Not accepting in acquiescence but an acceptance that transcends the situation by dispelling delusion and proffering hope.

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