Please don't interpret the title of this post mean I am depressed - far from it. I finally have a job that I love, great coworkers and numerous other blessings in my life so I would be an assholes to be depressed right now. What has been running through my head though is what does life mean and is having a good job and good people to be around enough?
I was raised to think that there was some grand purpose and master plan for my life (if I didn't fuck up). Now, I'm not so sure about all that. My mentality caused me to never be satisfied with my life because I had to make a lasting change in the world. I mean isn't that what God put us here for?
I don't want to settle; it's not in my nature hence the title of this blog. However, maybe I can relax a bit. Is there a higher calling other than being true to yourself? Is self sacrificing work the best potential use of one's life? I have seen a lot of missionary type people thinking they are following their "calling" but their families are falling apart or they are just failing at helping the vast numbers of people they dreamed of. I'm becoming convinced that the best thing you can do for yourself and the world is live out the gifts and personality that inhabits you. Sharing what you have with the world is the best way to serve not divesting yourself of you and attempting to fill someone else's shoes.
"A hammer makes a shitty wrench when trying to tighten a nut." - Me