Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Neural Weeds and Other Follies

Fall is here and temperatures are dropping which makes sleeping easier but showering more difficult. I haven't worked out what I'm going to do yet but I've considered sticking one of those electrict charcoal lighters in a bucket of water and seeing what happens. I guess I still need electricity for that to work so maybe that needs to be rethought. Everything else is going fairly well except, truth be told, I had a short moment this morning while folding clothes where I really missed my kids and thought "I'm living in a van. What is wrong with me?" It's a good thing my kids aren't here because it reveals that I need to find more strength in myself. They don't need to be my emotional support: that is my job for myself and them. I'm getting my life together so that hopefully I pass on an emotional quotient that will help my kids have better lives than me.

A new habit I'm trying to form is to start and end every day with gratefulness for what I have been blessed with. I also tell myself out loud truths that I have come to accept. Notice I said accept, not believe. You can accept something without believing it because while it may jive with your soul, your previous subconscious thought habits may oppose the truth. I find many times when I'm stressed out it is because all the years of thought patterns have started winding me up with little whispers that I don't recognize until I'm at DEFCON 1. Habits take time to form and to overcome a previous habit you need to be deliberate. My verbal reminders are a refresh button for my brain to knock down the neural weeds that are trying to grow. So far it seems to be helping a lot and hopefully one day soon I will transition from acceptance to belief.

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