Sunday, November 24, 2013

No Country for Honest Men

*This was precipitated by some family coming to visit my ex and kids. They ended up going to visit my ex's parents as well which I found odd. By no means is this meant to be whining. Only an attempt to make something creative out of current events.*

Times have changed - in actuality it's me, that morphed into something new wanting to be free. I have a family by blood, but backed away desiring something more. A blind man doesn't need to see to understand he's sight poor.

Never escaping the desire, hunting - like an addict for drugs - I thought I found a family through marriage but it was a prison cell of "love". Self discovery comes in layers and slowly you grow but the more you become honest the less you fit inside their homes.

28 years from birth the reality struck - life isn't black and white but a kaleidoscope being shaken up. I watched the shapes change admiring the beauty - broken pieces of glass colliding, my imperfect perfection revealing.

My son asked me today why my eyes look sad. Didn't know it was so obvious - I hate him seeing that in his dad. I miss the one person who makes me feel at home - my country without borders, love's piece de resistance. I don't think I'll be complete till I have her in my arms or learn accept being a lonely honest man.

People from my past life mingle like nothing has changed. I'm on the outside looking in as blood and exes communicate. I've got no corner to back, no posse or gang. I'm a man without a country like Snowden or Assange - I don't want fucking assylum I want a place where I belong. A home for honest men not an island all alone.

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