Monday, January 27, 2014

Dancing Around the Issue

I'm coming to believe that conflict is a great way to grow as a person. If you are open minded and hear the other person out, you will either gain a new point of view or you will become more confident in the belief you already held: either way you are winning and hopefully you resolved the issue in the process. The problem with most conflicts (and why many people avoid them) is that one or more parties involved focus on surface issues such as "he forgot to get the milk again" instead of "I feel like he doesn't care about me when he forgets things". That's an oversimplification of it but most everything boils down to a base human need and the "problem" is is ancillary at best.

Very few people are truly unreasonable, they just have a different filter for life and events than you do. They are still a human being with the same basic desires as you so if you can get to what they really are feeling, you can connect and work towards resolution. The ones who aren't willing or able to dig past the anger or hurt the event triggered and get to the root are the brick walls you bang your head against. Focus on the surface issue and you'll do that stupid dance forever.

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