Thursday, June 12, 2014

A Four Letter Word

* I sort of covered this once before but there are some new / different thoughts and it's my site so I do what I want :) *

Growing up when my mother saw an issue in someone's life that they seemed to be blinded to, she felt she had to point it out with the offer of help. While she genuinely cared about them and their future success in life and it wasn't an ego trip, it was rooted in fear. If she didn't point out the problem, then no one might and ultimately this other humans failure would come back on her for lack of action. 

Recently she suggested I nonchalantly slip into a conversation with an acquaintance the fact that she is holding a seminar on a certain topic they unknowingly need help in. In this instance I think my mother is correct and the seminar could be very helpful so I began debating what to do. The choice is between being direct saying "you have xyz problem, here is info on a seminar..." vs the passive "how's your day? Oh I was talking to my mom today. Guess what? She's putting on a seminar about xyz next month" - complete non sequitur, random. The conclusion I reached is that neither one is appropriate. If you aren't an intimate, INVITED part of someone's life, then you don't have a right to be voice your observations. Not having the right prompts the indirect approach because it's another level of the same fear that started the whole thing - if I don't at least try, then what happens is still on me. I then become manipulative and underhanded to avoid that crushing weight of guilt. 

Anything done out of fear is wrong. I'm not talking about fight or flight - run from a bear fear, but the high functioning manic, inter-relational defense mode, fear fueled actions. This brings up the topic of God and love. The Christian Bible and the Quran along with other religions (I can only assume) teach us to fear God. As a child I was instructed that it was a "fear of respect for how powerful and holy he is....because we are so unworthy and vile that if he didn't hold back the raw awesomeness our miserable asses would burn to the ground". That fear and trembling you read about in the bible isn't because they simply respected God so much, it's because of the second part - we suck in comparison to the god that made us: their version of god who is an asshole. 

If God is love and decisions made out of emotional fear start a journey down a bad road then he wouldn't want us to fear him. He would want his creatures or children if you will, to make choices for the right reason. Choices out of fear lay a diseased foundation for future choices and perspectives to be raised upon. Why do you think religious people are some of the most evil on the planet? Because they are afraid of God (or hell to be more accurate) therefore they make a choice to follow religion to avoid unpleasantries. That first fear is the soil that grows the hideous, gnarled tree that is legalism and rules - trying to keep a scary God happy. Why? Because you are afraid of him and you try to make everyone perfect so as to not make him angry. 

I'm almost finished with that book on Malcolm X and it makes me sad to see the things he went through in and after the NOI because of his and other followers fear of incurring Allah's wrath for speaking against Ellijah Muhammad. That was my life in the Christian church on various levels till the last few years so I can relate. 

Stop being afraid of God. If he's out there and an asshole then you're screwed regardless. If he's out there and is cool, then he wouldn't want you to serve him out of fear but instead come to conclusions yourself not judging you for doing so. Then there's the chance that there is no God - and then your fear is really fucking stupid. 

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