Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Hotel Capers

A friend reminded me today about a funny anecdote from my days living the posh life in the back half of a Hyundai Sonata. A couple years ago I made friends with complete strangers through a Facebook group for people who had survived our rearing in a homeschool cult. One virtual friend and her husband were taking a trip across country so we decided to take the friendship to the next level - they were going to let me shower in their hotel room. Since I was working late they gave me the hotels address, we said goodnight and I followed my gps to the hotel around 5am getting a cat nap in the parking lot. Around 10am I received a text with the room number and the insistence that I come avail myself to warm running water. Never having met them in person I felt slightly awkward but I was smelling funky so what the hell right? 

When I reached the appropriate floor and hallway, I saw that their door was cracked and I heard the TV playing loudly. To be polite, I knocked and when I received no response I slowlypushed the   door open to find an empty room and Jerry Springer playing loudly. Springer seemed completely out of character but maybe they stepped out to give me privacy? I sent a text "hey, I'm here, do you want me to leave the door cracked?" After a minute of no response I figured "screw it, I'm jumping in the shower". The shower was marvelous and when I stepped onto the bathmat I noticed that I had a message "no, we are here". So I wrote back "you're kidding right?" By that time I had dressed and as I opened the door, the maid was in the doorway hand up as if she was about to come in "are you checking out?" She said in broken English. I suddenly had the sinking feeling that I was in the wrong hotel. Shit, I never asked what the name of the hotel was. I quickly mumbled "yes, I'm leaving" and briskly walked to the elevator as my phone rang. My friend said "we are here, where are you?" It was then that I decided this elevator is taking too long. Fuck it and tore down the stairs as if I had just robbed a bank. 

When I finally made it to the correct hotel (on the backside of the one I trespassed in) we had a good laugh over my accidental infraction. I'm probably the most unintentional criminal ever with my several counts of trespassing, one website hacked and other things that won't be named being committed without malice. For all my zeal as a fugitive from the status quo, that angst has always been against society and culture but not so much legalities. While I still feel that many of them are there for the greater good, this experience put a little fire in my veins for adventure and coloring outside all the lines. 

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