I only have that one concrete incident (and the knowledge that it was okay to stone rebellious children in the bible) I can call back on as a basis for my fear so I have questioned whether I created this anxiety in my own mind. That was further compounded after I shared these feelings with my girlfriend and she said "that's ridiculous. Parents wouldn't do that nor can they legally abandon you". The only way I have been able to calm myself down is to meditate on the idea that I will be okay no matter who I lose in my life. Telling myself "so and so will never abandon you" doesn't help because I know that nothing is guaranteed or completely safe in life.
If my brain is the origin of this paralysis then why can't I just shake it off? I finally decided it was time to just ask my parents how extreme they would have been. Last night I made the call and posed the question to my mother of how far they would have gone. I understand that it's hard to know exactly what you would have done in a situation years later but basically she GloMar'd me - "I can neither confirm or deny because I'm not there now". I was hoping she would have said "no, we would never have done anything that extreme" but she said "we loved you and would have done whatever we thought was best."
The conversation left me a bit down because where was I to go from here to get rid of this constant cortisol drip? When I told my girlfriend about my mothers response she became so furious I was a little taken aback. I know my parents aren't evil and tried to do the best they knew how so I just accepted the lack of resolution and figured maybe I was just sensitive and weird in my own way. As we talked about why she was so angry it started dawning on me - when you GloMar, it's as good as saying yes while leaving enough doubt so the onus isn't on you. I have felt extreme anger towards other people's parents where I wanted to beat them to death with my fist for the evil they perpetrated on their children so her anger began making sense. Despite not providing confirmation, my mothers response coupled with my girlfriends anger helped me understand that my fear was real but also that I can now let it go because it's not all in my head. My brain isn't fucked up with some weird misinterpretation of events and there is a very good chance that if I had pushed the limits at all, my fears would have turned to reality under the auspices of my parents genuine yet misguided good intentions.
Today I feel a whole lot more relaxed because I don't have to fight the doubt and guilt of being tormented by a fear that I may have created. It was real and I can let it go knowing that while nothing is guaranteed, people who aren't fucked up don't just abandon you without good reason. Sometimes no response is all the answer you need so if you have something tormenting you, go ahead and ask questions. As they say, "knowing is half the battle".