Sunday, October 5, 2014

Sexual Advances

It's amazing how information that seems completely inconsequential and well known to most people can be life changing to someone else. For instance if you were raised in this century believing the world is flat and someone mentions in passing the curvature of the earth suddenly causing your mind to explode because you don't need to fear walking close to the edge anymore. I probably shouldn't admit this but I had one of these moments last week when I learned that most people evaluate everyone in their life by whether or not they would have sex with them. Learning that I have been sized up in this way before my personality ever came into play came as a shock especially when I went back through my memories and linked other probable memories that had gone over my head at the time. That knowledge revealed a couple things to me but the most important one is that I have limited my life purely because of what I believed about myself.

One Christmas when I was about 14 a friend of my mother asked what I wanted that year. I replied "nothing" which impressed her because she interpreted that as me being some sort of godly ascetic. The truth was that there were plenty of things I would have loved to receive in nicely wrapped packages however, I knew there was no chance of getting any of them so I developed a forced and misunderstood contentment. The puritanical view of sex and relationships that I grew up with created a similar mindset where I had blinders on towards all the women I met because I was certain women didn't want to have sex with me. Just like the Nerf gun and Nintendo I wanted that Christmas but wouldn't get, I settled for believing I was ok being invisible to women. Now for the record, I'm not ugly but I'm not Brad Pitt or Ryan Gosling either so the once or twice that I've known a woman wanted a romp with me was slightly shocking but I dismissed it as "they are batshit crazy and hit on any man".  I wasn't walking around dejected and completely lacking confidence, I just felt like I was trying to play Backgammon while everyone else was playing Checkers.

You can draw many conclusions from this post about my sexual and romantic life which are probably completely erroneous but what you think about that portion of my life is irrelevant. The point I want to make is that we are so limited by our minds and what we believe when opportunity is usually waiting for us to take it home. It's like the stories you hear about orphan kids who get adopted and stuff food in their pockets at dinner because they are afraid it's going to go away or won't join in with the rest of the family having fun because they feel they don't belong

The truth really can set you free.

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