Saturday, January 10, 2015

Under Authority

The phrase "under authority" was bandied about frequently by my parents and ministers as I tried to navigate the transition from child to man. I believe the dictum is derived from Matthew 6:9 where the centurion states "I am a man under authority" to Jesus. The context is "I know what it's like to have power to get shit done because I have guys higher in the food chain above me that will hand out some whoopass if I'm not taken seriously". Unfortunately the phrase "being under authority" has taken on a life of it's own much like definitions of words change due to appropriation by a individuals with an agenda - control. In the past I struggled many times with feeling like something wasn't right for me but was told that I was being rebellious and not under authority. This became like a pinch collar on a dog where I was taught that if I stepped away from my authority's guidance, I would be vulnerable to attacks from the devil or general malfeasance that God would have otherwise shielded me from. Anecdotes (most likely completely conjured up) and erroneous correlations of events were used as propaganda to hard code us to toe the line.

Anarchy isn't a belief system I espouse however, we are ultimately responsible for our own actions so to sit and "be under authority" is you, passively choosing your fate. Becoming an adult was a hard transition because I was supposed to act like an adult but still listen to people like my pastor, boss, parents, in-laws etc if they gave me guidance in my life. That became rather challenging when I'm the one having to live a life other people are attempting to direct. With much stress and trepidation, I began resisting in small areas. Of course, my "rebellion" was attributed to the fact that my oldest child began having seizures from infancy along with other "failures" in my life. Slowly I realized that I had to live my life and figure it out, not the other people outside my head. Granted, I'm not so arrogant that I don't ask for advice; on the contrary, I love to hear opinions and advice from people who have gained success in the topic in question. However, no matter how much input and direction you are given, the fact still remains that your actions are yours and yours alone. Can you be blinded? Sure, and that's the point of this whole tactic - keep you from looking too closely at the emperor's clothes lest you find there aren't any.

Being under authority should be an empowering thing because you know that they have your back. You shouldn't be browbeaten to some meglomaniac's whims because you are afraid of the consequences of disagreement. Clearly there are situations where you can't run off and go freelancing (what we call it in my profession when someone starts trying to out think the boss and begins working without direction) but when it comes to how you live your life, that shit is up to you. Despite being brainwashed, I bear the culpability for the remainder of my life upon the termination of my parents legal guardianship. I was trying to go to sleep earlier and it ran through my head all the times I was told I wasn't under authority and what a load of crap the whole idea was. Some ideas take a lot to purge but I think I've finally gotten back to the dream within a dream, within a dream and rooted out the inception - my life will not be ruined by me taking over the reigns.

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