Saturday, May 16, 2015

It's Been A While

Anyone who pays attention will have noticed that this page has been silent for a few weeks now. This has been due to about a million thoughts swirling around my mind coalescing into a small book I just finished the first draft of yesterday. It's weird how things happen sometimes. The idea for this story dropped into my head two years ago while I was pressure washing a pool deck behind some well-to-do persons home. When I got home that evening, I sat down and started writing. I didn't know where I was going with it exactly - I just knew it was a cool idea that meant something to me. There was a very good chance that it wouldn't mean much to anyone but me since it was my brains way of making sense of the bizarre life I had lived. More accurately, it was an attempt to try and see life as it actually is removing the filters of religion and fear. 

I've seen a lot of evil in the world but I've also seen a lot of good. Every step I've taken pushing through the seemingly informidable obstacles, I kept going because a thought in my head wouldn't die "there has to be something better than this". I'm not sure where the hope came from, but it gave me the strength to crawl through each door. I would assume it was there because met a few of those people who "get it". You've probably met one too, the individual who always seems zen, admits their failures (though it's hard to picture them being true), and is truly happy no matter the circumstance. At first they seem insane because their life is going against everything your life and mind orbit around. Mostly though, it's jealousy because you think "I wish I could be like that, but that's now how things work." Here's the thing, you can have that same type of life, it's just really hard to get there. You climb over countless obstacles, wade through sloughs filled with the opinions of everyone who "cares about you" but truthfully just want to keep you on their level. And then you have to conquer the hardest enemy - yourself. Laziness and exhaustion are a bitch and can derail a promising life. 

I told a friend who is several years younger than me to quit expecting to be an adult right now. Keep working towards it but don't let an image of what you will be shame you for where you are now. I've dropped this mantra on here before numerous times: Start where you are, Use why you have, Do why you can. Repeating those three phrases to myself over the pat couple of years has been like a reset switch to the chaos because it reminds me that no matter how bad the circumstances, I can always figure my way out of it. 

I'm still far from perfect and this blog is the chronicling of my journey to find balance and peace. I have to say that I'm finally getting close to where I've envisioned my life. I have found my other half and found a love I always hoped for, I can finally spend time by myself alone and not go crazy, and as I look forward, I don't know what the next step is going to be, but it feels like the possibilities are endless. 

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