Sunday, August 27, 2017

Symbiotic Contradictions

Friday, seven a.m. We are on the train
to Poland and I'm hoping to get some rest. I've been awake since the
morning before – sleep just wouldn't come last night so I lay there
until in the immense silence that is night time in Berlin until the
alarm went off at 5. Sometimes my mind feels like it's connected to
one of those fiber optic lights with all the little strands; however,
imagine that each of these strands is connected to a diversity of
data streams. It makes describing how I arrived at certain points of
pondering rather laborious not to mention potentially taxing to the
patience of any readers. Each stream contributes something to the
synthesis of a vague form, the skeleton if you will, upon which the
rest of the thoughts are fleshed out. The bones of this beast are
control.

So much of what we do in life is in an
attempt to control outcomes, using our intellect to create what we
perceive as the “best case scenario” (BCS). When things aren't in
that “best case” most people look for something or someone to
blame. It's a special sense of pride, subterfuge really, that
constantly blames itself instead of someone else because “at least
I'm not being an asshole to people that don't deserve it.” Of
course turning the venom inward as opposed to outward is only better
for those who perceive an advantage in it. i.e. righteousness, like
everything else is a matter of perception. No matter what the
percentages of blame are that each individual dishes out, some amount
of personal control is perceived to be in their power. How many times
have you been told what you “should do”? Usually it's because
someone has been inconvenienced by your BCS clashing with their BCS.

Without going into the myriad details,
I've felt rather out of control over many things in my environment
recently. The message I was getting through the early morning hours
was this:
Control is an illusion.
There is only what happens and how we
perceive it.
Trying to change what is, is insanity.
You can ride a wave or be swallowed by
it;
Eventually all waves diminish to a
ripple -
until reconstituting into the next
one.

Purchasing tickets to Poland had been a
bit of a magilla (availability of coordinating trips, printer issues
etc) and I questioned whether it was wise to push forward with the
trip. No matter, if it wasn't meant to be, then it wouldn't happen.
The first big variable was making the tram to the train station which
went without a hitch. As we were walking toward Hauptbahnhof (Main
Train Station) my partner, who had been nervous about the moving
pieces, smiled and gave a sigh of relief commenting “everything is
going so well.” “Please” I remarked wryly “I don't need a
running commentary on how the day is going.” “Hey you have your
passport right?” I added as it popped into my mind. She stopped
dead in her tracks “shit! No, I don't” she replied her face
falling. “Well it's too late to go back so we'll just see what
happens” I encouraged and kept walking toward the Bahnhof. There is
no point in being angry, or feeling anything significant emotion in
many situations if you aren't attempting to control.

After checking the platform display, we
proceeded to our train, found our seats and sat down all without
event – the nervousness a complete waste of energy. Right on cue,
the train pulled out of the station and I thought “well, maybe we
will make it after all” and tried to lay my head back for a rest.
Whoever designs headrests for airplanes and trains does not do it
with people of my stature in mind. As I attempted to get somewhat
comfortable without disturbing the apparently very particular older
Polish woman sharing the same booth with us, but finally gave up and
stared out the window. The stream of thoughts from the early hours
continued but now on a different track. My blog popped up and all the
things I tried to puzzle through in the writing of my musings. After
the last four years of slogging through an often circuitous route, I
was struck by the immenseness of how foolish I was. GoT flashed into
my mind and I saw Ygritte admonishing everyone's hero “you know
nothing Jon Snow”. I sure as shit know nothing.

Thirty minutes into the trip the hammer
fell and smashed the plans as my partner is asked for her ticket and
passport by a very polite yet serious German train official. We have
to get off at the border town – Frankfurt (Oder). Ride the wave
I think to myself. The woman sharing our compartment left shortly
after and my partner began to cry blaming herself. We talked through
it and decided that we would just get off and check out Frankfurt
(Oder) and make whatever we could out of it. Poland wasn't going
anywhere. I'll skip ahead and spare you the details but we ended up
being able to visit the Polish border town Slubice by completely
legal means. The rest of the day ended up being a wonderful
experience as we just took one moment at a time and let it assemble
into the uniqueness that was the day called August 25, 2017 on a
planet called Earth (quite possibly only by those living on it,
highly unlikely that's what she calls herself).

Maybe
it was walking 25km, or maybe it's Maybeline, but I slept last night
quite well. Over a late breakfast of whatever we had rummaging around
in the fridge, I and my female counterpart discussed the illusion of
causality. I brought up how in Vasisthas Yoga it repeatedly talked
about “how the crow alighting on the palm branch and the coconut
falling are not cause and effect”. It seemed like the words of a
madman the first few dozen times I read it but at some point down the
line it began to make sense. We can choose to call things related and
therefore they appear to be so to us but it is just that – an
appearance. She balked at the concept of an unfixed and fluid
reality. We talked about Shaolin monks, Wim Hof and many other things
till I finally stopped and quoted Vasisthas Yoga again “this
appearance is both real and unreal”.

Suddenly
something struck me –
time. Time isn't a real thing
therefore none of this is.
I
stood up and began pacing. “What is time, but a measurement of
empty space?” “It's a rate of growth” she offered. “True, but
growth in what? Empty space. Without empty space nothing would exist.
(this is well known and cited in many eastern philosophies “the pot
is a lump of clay but for the empty space”) What is empty space?”
She thought about it for a second “nothing.” “Exactly,” I
continued “but nothing is necessary to have something so therefore
it is something in it's nothingness. And this is why there is no
point to figuring out the Universe. It's a contradiction that isn't.
1 without 0 is meaningless, nay non existent - mutually defining
each other.” We stopped and thought about all this for a minute.

You
know, if the universe is infinite, and the speed of light (or
causality) is relative, that means that infinite variations of speed
are possible allowing for innumerable nested realities. This means
that time is an inescapable phenomenon of consciousness. Any point in
infinity has an infinite latitude on either side of whatever you call
center. It's why some people say that each of us it the center of the
universe. You cannot escape time because without it consciousness
would cease. Time provides a reference frame segmenting empty space
meaningfully.” Satisfied with this, I sat down and finished my
coffee. “That makes sense when you put it that way” my other half
mused. “Ha!” I laughed out loud “you know, this disproves
christianity as a the ultimate truth. A direct quote from the bible
is 'I the Lord never change' and christians are taught that god is
outside of time. Change is an inescapable part of perception, life
and consciousness but most importantly of all – eternity. As life
is meaningless without death, eternity is meaningless without time.
The universe, God if you prefer, doesn't change – in the aspect of
always changing.”


I've
learned many things, but they are only meaningful in the context of
my own personal experience just as paper currency is only meaningful
to those who choose to ascribe it value. I'll leave you with this: W
e're
all the same yet we're different. It's in the sense that we're all
different, that we are the same. Infinite facets of a conscious gem
that can only know itself completely, by interacting with itself for
all eternity. 
...the only control you can have is to stop controlling.....


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