Saturday, November 16, 2019

A Bee in the Hand

When I was a child, around 9 years of age, I vividly remember standing on the front porch of my family's house one beautiful late spring afternoon. My arm was lying on the porch railing palm up as I listened to my mother engaged in her speciality of dragging a goodbye into a 45 minute conversation to the visitor's car parked 15 feet away from the front door on the street. Suddenly a bee landed smack dab in the middle of my palm sending my heart rate up and inciting me to interrupt the ongoing conversation rather abruptly as I pointed out my situation. The only "help" I received was the admonition "don't move and it will go away" and I believe that was followed up with "say excuse me next time" but memory is a funny thing especially when there is a bee krumping in the middle of your hand.

The adult conversation promptly resumed and I did my best to become a slab of granite. I'm pretty sure the thought "if it stings me is it because Jesus wants me to know how he feels like when I sin?" went through my head but didn't last long. An all too hasty deliberation for my liking and the bee decided the hand was in fact where she wanted to leave her stinger and unceremoniously depart quickly changing my focus.

For years I've wondered why that bee chose to sting me when I meant her no harm and was attempting to be "non-threatening". Did I flinch a little? Maybe I was quivering in fear and I should have been more brave somehow? Hyperbole and crucifixion references aside, into my early twenties I would still think that things like this were possibly related to "god" punishing me or trying to teach me a lesson. This incident with the bee has been an analogy for much of my life; freaking out on the inside because of fear of pain yet trying to hold it together on the outside in the hope that somehow the danger will go away - only to get stung and feel lied to and / or incompetent at life.

This bee buzzed around my mind for so long because I didn't know that reality is created from the inside - that which you are projecting. For example, a "negative reality" is comprised of focusing on what you are trying to avoid experiencing. Labels aside, what you project is inexorably drawn to you. It's not really a "lesson" outside of the fact that perhaps at some point you will realize that you are the common denominator and therefore the genesis of the experience. The truth is that Attention Draws Subjects into Reality is neither benevolent or malignant - it simply is a principle of the Physics of Consciousness.

All objects travel in a straight line unless acted upon by an outside force. This is why you can both see the "future" (the current trajectory extrapolated w/o deviation) and also change said "future". In this scenario "trajectory" is not referring to a shift in dimensional motion but a re-ordering of dimensional structuring which will naturally alter the extrapolated trajectory. What you believe is like a tuning fork - when activated, the resonance becomes your reality and is continually self-reinforced through experiential confirmation, a feedback loop, thereby conserving energy and theoretically sustaining the system over the longest term. That bee was like a grave stone for all the bones already buried in the coffin of my subconscious - No matter how perfect you try to be it will never be good enough and you are going to feel pain. 

Change the structure - change the trajectory.

Lacking an understanding of this simple truth leads many to build bunkers, castles with boiling oil and flaming arrows in the parapets, space stations - you name it; they're only barricades to keep the depths of our subconscious from invading our conscious reality.

Sometimes a bee in the hand is worth two in the bush.