Monday, September 30, 2013

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Not the most well framed photo but I didn't have time to compose it since I was rushing to get stuff setup for work this morning. However, this is what I get to look at all day. My life is pretty awesome and the times that aren't, well that's just the way it goes.

I love this time of year when it's nice and cool and the days are starting to get shorter. I sleep way better when it's colder and I last night I was snug as a bug in a rug, err Hyundai I mean. Of course it helps that I decided to quit worrying about things. I set my alarm for 5:45 (fifteen minutes before I had to get up) so I could take some time to look at the stars, repeat my mantra and get my head right. It's going to be a great week. 

Friday, September 27, 2013

Winning!!! (Not Like Charlie Sheen)

Due to "working in a distant location", my work provided a hotel the last two nights. I was afforded the chance to sleep in a regular bed and take a warm shower and after the cramped sleeping quarters in my car, you would think I would have slept like a rock. I wouldn't label it as bad sleep, but I woke up feeling about the same as a night in the Hyundai which seems odd considering I am a bit of a bed hog and love to stretch out. 

After 30 years of life, I've finally learned that if I'm not sleeping well it is probably because I'm stressed and worrying about something. It's never something obvious, just a subconscious nagging that wears me out. The topic doesn't really matter, money, relationships etc, it all really boils down to fear of being powerless and alone - but mostly alone. 

You hear people talk about "making it" or "winning life" but what does that mean? There are two kinds of people in the world: those who possess inner peace and those who don't. A good demonstration is when an individual gets a windfall. Most either blow it in an attempt to make themselves happy or hoard it because they are so afraid of losing what they know they lack the capacity to regain if they make poor spending choices. Folks who are at peace are usually going to change very little. 

Part of the motivation for living in my car is to give my brain less things to worry about but as the last two days have proven, it's not the amount of bills or lack thereof that makes one feel at peace. At what point will I feel like I'm okay? If I'm living in a cardboard box with a million in the bank? I'm sure I'd probably worry about the government taking my money or something else stupid. This quote by Arthur Ashe is my mantra "Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can". There is no quantifiable point of winning life because it's not a one time event, a linear scale or a destination. It's a mindset of accepting each moment and the circumstances you are in. Not accepting in acquiescence but an acceptance that transcends the situation by dispelling delusion and proffering hope.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

How Do You Take Your Coffee?

I am amazed daily when I see people who have very defined preferences and tastes and the requesit reactions when they can't have what they want. The scenarios span from something major like religion all the way down to how they take their coffee. "Coffee - black, two and a half sugars with double shot of espresso....*sips* what is this shit, decaf?"

Maybe it's human nature, or possibly it's due to lack of resolve and discipline in parenting - but whiny, entitled people abound. There are so many trivial things every day that really don't make a hill of beans of difference in life regardless of what happens. The Butterfly Effect was an interesting movie, but I really don't think our life's outcome is determined by every tiny event. What changes your destiny is how you react to each event. 

I think my ability to live out of my car is because I live my life like I take my coffee - black with an indiscriminate amount of sugar thrown in and then I deal with it. 

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Shedding Keys

heard someone say "you can tell the amount of material attachments an individual has by the number of keys on their key ring" (at least I think I heard someone say that but maybe I just made it up and don't want to take the credit due to subconscious self loathing). Regardless of who originated the thought, I am getting pretty close to a dematerialized nirvana. This past weekend I finished moving the remainder of my possessions to a 10x10 storage unit which is maybe only 50% full (I don't know why I have kept half the shit in there). Sunday I turned in my apt key downsizing to one key. Okay, realistically I have three keys - my car, storage unit and PO box (however I don't carry the last two around with me). 

Where do I live? In a Hyundai Sonata. Thankfully my job doesn't have a dress code and provides most of my meals so it makes the vagabond lifestyle much easier than it could be. The biggest challenge is that since I'm almost 6'3", sleeping is a little cramped but it is working for now until I can upgrade to a larger vehicle. 

A friend asked "why are you choosing to live out of your car when you make decent money? Most people only do that as a last resort." There are several reasons which are ancillary such as my work takes me all over the state and I don't want to waste time and fuel every day, or there is the fact that I've never made enough where I had extra money to save and now that I do, I want to seriously maximize it. However, the prominent purpose is freedom. Growing up I had dreams of riding my bicycle cross country or taking a sea kayak from Maine down to Florida and other probably hairbrained ideas. I knew my parents would never go for the idea considering the fact that I wasn't even allowed to play sports or really do anythig cool - ie I was homeschooled. 

Not being allowed to make many of my own choices as a youth puts the vagabond lifestyle in a bit of cherry glow. I can go anywhere I have gas to drive to and have way less pressure to make money to pay for crap I don't want. Last night I drove by a lake before dark and decided to go back later to swim and wash up a bit (although the entire time I was rather scared a snake or snapping turtle would get me). The idea that because I felt like, I could do it is great. Sure any normal person could go take a bath in a lake but why would they when they have a perfectly good shower at home. Having to do the bizarre out of necessity is exhilarating. Not having a commute is great because I have extra hours to read a book (or write a book), take up knitting (or something foolish) or just stare at the stars. Sure I have bills to pay but they are nominal and about as scaled back as one can make them while still holding down a job.

When you are homeschooled (or at least my parents brand of homeschooling) you don't have friends, play sports, have any form of entertainment beyond books and are generally disconnected from the world. The concept of having roots and actually knowing people for years is completely foreign. I cannot fathom growing up with other young people, watching them go through their phases and seeing where they end up or just having town and state pride. While I prefer New England where I grew up to anywhere else I've lived (except Cali), I don't have the regional passion I see other people like most southerners or New Yorkers have for instance. I'm a soul without an anchor and the gypsies lifestyle fits me for now. This all may work its way out of my system eventually or I may just settle down because of a woman, but for now I'm just a single keyed rambling man.