Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Nothing Lasts

Nothing lasts.

That moment - the one that keeps evaporating with each new line:

Lost forever, saved only by a memory - though not preserved. 

Records nuanced, personally autographed. 

Reliving fiction.

Fixated on what never was,

But for a speck of imagined time. 

Change recalcitrant, 

flaunting it's power; 


balanced by Nothing.

Nothing lasts. 

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Echoes in the Darkness

Trust in God,
Not in Man.

Perhaps I'm confused... 
I'm a man, should I not trust myself?

Above all:
Never Trust Yourself!

Why, then should I trust you,
over myself?

Expired credentials -
Usurped authority.

Threats veiled thinly,
Benevolence skinned,
donned as a disguise:
Present existence
offered as proof.
Perfunctory deigning,
Soul sleight of hand:
Who's best double-cross.

Form precedes message,
Wakes emanate:
Buffeting against soul.
Until transparent -
The truth contained,
in every lie.

Trust only in what endures:
yet Something -
Echoes in the darkness.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017


I locked my side door this morning when I went to take a shower telling myself "I'm not paranoid, I just wouldn't want my dog to get out if someone opened the door trying to break in..." okay so I don't want my shit to get stolen as well if I'm being honest, but really - I'm not that attached to any material objects, it's mostly about the dog... a break in the observation of thought and then it hit me, I (and most of humanity) do not like sudden change. We want to slowly wade into the pool to acclimate instead of getting thrown in. Even slight changes in "one small area of life" have ripple effect into the rest of life and the universe. What you choose to focus on defines what you see - no brainer; however, most people don't realize that that applies to every action and choice they make whereby a different object of vision inherently brings about shifts in everything. 

This leads back to the main goal of many humans: maintain the status quo. Keeping things the way they are is perceived as imperative to avoiding pain and suffering because we allow external things to define us as something quite set in stone. It's like our ego is a Jenga tower comprised of many things and relationships stacked upon each other, precariously balanced on the sole block at the bottom - your unwitting awareness. Each of the unexpected things that knock down our towers are Life shaking you awake to the reality - what and who you have believed yourself and life to be are all superfluous. 

Losing is necessary for winning and both are matters of perspective. When you go with the flow, there is no losing or winning; only a permanent state of transfer. Being stripped of the illusory blanket of story you have wrapped yourself in, that list of set pieces and supporting actors you felt defined by - brings an awareness of your own awareness. No matter what happens and changes around you, you are still there, at the center. Accept this grounding awareness and you experience the river flowing around you, which also implies through you as you offer no resistance. A constant state of flow where there is no gain or loss simply experience of the ever present Now. 

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

What's Going On

I haven't written much on here in quite a while for several reasons: the biggest two being, 1. The app I used to post quit functioning and I rarely am at a computer 2. I didn't feel like I had anything to say. Not having anything to say does not equate to nothing going on in my life: quite the contrary. There has been so much swirling around my psyche it has been difficult to nail anything down that is worth spending the time to write about. The more I read, ponder and experience, what I thought was important or "truth" seems less so. I can write passionately about something and then realize sometimes only hours later that I really didn't need to feel so passionate about whatever it was. In the grand scheme of things it all is "vanity" and the best thing you can do is to enjoy whatever it is that you do.  I've been asking myself "why do I do _____ ?" You can fill in the blank with anything and if you stop and are honest with yourself, you come to realize that most of what you do arises from environmentally programmed behavior. Children ask "why?" constantly until they are told enough times to shut up or are given the "it's just how it is" answer. I'm convinced most adults become exasperated by incessant questions because they don't know the why for many things and they don't want to admit that to anyone. So we continue to repeat the same cycle over and over again because changing things seems difficult. For instance we still use QWERTY keyboards when it's proven to not be the most efficient letter setup. Human society is rife with outdated ways of doing things because we are so attached to the way things are and lack the imagination that would propel us to make things better - that or we're just plain lazy.  The "advanced" civilizations of our modern age tend to look at the earth and all non-human life as something separate - a commodity to be used for whatever purpose desired. Watching Rise of the Planet of the Apes this past weekend I was struck by the scene where James Franco's character is telling Caesar "you know what they [the now super intelligent apes] are capable of". They're capable of the same things that humans are which is what causes the fear and attempts to remain on top of the food chain.  What if the earth and everything in it were all organisms in a greater entity? There are millions of bacteria in our bodies that are alive and most likely conscious to some extent. The only reason we think we are different than them is just that - we think we are. Adults persist in asking children "what do you want to be when you grow up?" as if they aren't something already. You don't have to "be anything" because you already are. The idea that we have to grow up, find a niche and then stay that way more or less till we die is existential poison. Everything can change in an instant yet it rarely does because we are afraid of the unknown. I havent posted much because the more I learn, the less I really have to say. We over complicate life in an attempt to justify our beliefs and ways of life when at the root of everything is incomprehensible simplicity.

Monday, March 6, 2017

Bully Pulpit

I'm like a preacher against the political, but mr. president don't take my shit literal, I rap rhymes in parables, spit from my bully pulpit parallels / draw my own lines to color outside, hyphenating eye beams, planks cleverly disguised - bridging duality, Being homogenized. One om with two names, Eaven and Ell, in between them only a perception of the other subconsciously generating distance, haughtily comparing faux-selves. Racing doggedly in oppossing directions around a möbius track, infinite laps, desperately trying to escape the now, this moment where we're at - repeating actions expecting a different recompense - an insane attempt to change the course of events / Chasing a mirage founded in flex, ignorantly concaving to the convex, illusory cheap tricks paying the rent - we've finally started coming abreast /false advertising revealed - repent, titilation falling flaccid upon an uncovered flat chest. RIP respirations away, punctured bullet proof vest, misplaced trust betraying, hope fading from eyes closing for arrest.  Now let me tell you about a guy I've observed for some time, Stan has a story only contextually different from mine - history repeating but we pay it no mind.  A kid taken advantage of, mistreated, abused even catching beatings when trying to follow the rules. Found camaraderie, comfort amongst others just like him, outcasts, misunderstood - they became fast friends. Formed a crew, made plans then collectively stood up, one day resisted the oppression, made the bullies back up.    Caught off guard, some fought back but most fled away, the union of youngsters came out victorious in the fray.  Waving flags made from the Ts ripped off their foes backs, they paraded around the playground, firecrackers punctuating screams of "hit the road jack".  Celebrating over the route didn't last long, when Stan got home that afternoon he could tell something was wrong.  His dad got a new job the family was moving away but he wasn't afraid anymore - something had changed. New school, history repeated but with a slight twist, Stan stood up for another, using his fists, pummeled "some jackass going around grabbing girls tits"  It felt good to be strong, a hero unafraid, receiving adulation, his lens locked into a frame.  Aftermath, rest period, disenchanted lined up, formed a club, wrote a charter, laid down rules, "only bullies get beat up".  "We're the good guys" they chanted flooding their brains with belief, washing with the water of words, sapling neurons quickly grow into trees.   Before ink soaked into parchment or the words even penned, their hearts violated the principles discriminating against sex, culture and skin. But no one ever noticed because the town hadn't diversified, a globe sealed tightly - it's easy to think it's snowing when your on the inside. Stan's now grown up, by his family and friends adored, won't hesitate to defend their honor, jump right into war. "Uncle Stan is the man, kicking ass for the Lord, we always win the fight with minimum casualties to our boys".  But what about the other sons, daughters, and wives on the wrong side - all the "them", many "innocent" losing their lives? "They get what they deserve, don't expect me to cry, if they were like us we'd live in harmony, see eye to eye" . Addicted to justice Stan fights for a cause but he'll never find peace while cleaving the world with his sword.  Earth-lings breath out, evacuate the lungs, exhale your ignorance, exhume what once was. We drink the same water, inhale the same air, the only thing between us - dogmas of error.  Other vs other, south vs south, rise up again, end up fighting the house. Pride propelled repulsion, jettison parts of ourself, ousting corrupt Alphas, the pride falls apart jostling for position to govern itself.  The oppressed become what they hated, thinking they're better than someone else, the mirror reflecting what's inside flipped Z axis of evol out.  Spend time with any creature, you'll find they're not just a thing, but intelligent beings no matter how insignificant they seem.  Experience makes it harder to mistreat something just as conscious as you, a lesson Stan learned in one day that changed his point of view.  A woman with a lifestyle he repudiated, in fact took joy to persecute, dragged him to safety from a fire fight, tenderly dressed his wounds.  "Why are you doing this?" He gasped in disbelief, in an instant questioning everything thing he once believed.  "We are all the same" she said softly wiping away his blood, "I love you" was the last words uttered before covering his body with her own while "friendly fire" blew the building up.


From the moment I popped out, I hatched a plan to go against the flow / at first got dragged along against my will - a slave to my circumstances I supposed.  Juxtaposed, I proposed to learned on my own, dropped out of school - broke all the rules, made the classroom my home.  I don't do show and tell, but I'm didactic with my flows, educating fools every day in these corridors I choose to roam.  Over half my life spent in a fucking shark tank, dark and dank, all the while eschewing jail bait - can't get hooked by these hooker when you understand it's your flesh that's the steaks.  Reeling you in with promises, stars in your eyes, you're caught on a string of imperceptible, invisible lies / claim they'll raise you to the stratosphere, let you touch the sky,  The silver pumpkin seeded clouds alluring, though ultimately a trap. Fight all you want but your stuck running that final lap.  "Want a piece of the pie, go where you're told" - fuck that shit man, I'll chart my own road.  One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish - they've cathfished your ass with these groupers you've been grouped with. Groupon, c'mon, they're perched on a plan, phish all your habits, till you're like guppies eating out of their hand.  Hauled into an atmosphere you can't handle but won't concede, reeling from air too thin to breathe, they watch as you suffocate trying to scream, if you're lucky they'll bash in your brains so you can't feel yourself bleed.  Close the lid on your life, chapter 12, bankrupt and iced. They're selling you off by the gram, now everyone wants a slice. It's a game to these hunters but we running for our lives, crackers use our babies but don't call it genocide,  Delicacy, words indelicately used to white wash, the tragedy of these little red ones happily knocked off, Chased by champagne - consuming the future to numb their gluttonous pain.  Making waves, against the tide, a fugitive for life / the status quo's fucked, stay in one place long enough, a net will gather you up. Interfering with patterns creating something new, following that inner sense, Iike the compass needle is you.  Bouldering, scaling walls, no damn obstacle will defeat me, I'll reach that summit, I'm mountaineering from the ocean - back to my babbling stream.  Gonna blow the full load right in that bed, no catch, just release, energy spent / gently falling asleep, letting go, the mission finally complete / Dropping under the lowest common denominator - LCD, liquid crystal dihydrogen monoxide - I'm talking sea level B— Below middle C, sinking deep, absorbed back into the infinite stream - lucid dreams, universal equilibrium achieved, escaping a form, the end...and scene For my homie: Salmon Grundy, born on a Monday, caught on a Tuesday, filleted on a Wednesday, bought on a Thursday, grilled on a Friday, interred on a Saturday, shit out by some catholic asshole on a Sunday. This is the end of Salmon Grundy

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Heaven Is For Egos

I'm going to cut to the chase here for once: religion is based on the preservation of the ego. I'm probably not the first person to realize this but it split my mind open a little when that thought occurred to me yesterday. I had been having a conversation with a relative about why they would like it better if I was a "Christian" and had asked what was so wrong with me that Jesus was needed to fix. She responded that it was more that she believed in a forever Heaven and wanted to spend it with all of her family and it's sad to think I might not be there.

While I don't believe the same things that she does, I understand her perspective. Discussing this with my partner, she seemed shocked that people really hold onto the concept of heaven. "Yeah, it's basically a scheme where you live this narrow life and most likely suffer in trade for your wildest dreams. Or something like that" I replied. After a pause she mused "it's like they want to have the same life forever". That's when the lightening struck.

"God graciously granted you life" so you feel like it's right to fight for life because "that's what god wants you to do". Essentially it's giving survival instinct a story to feel good about fighting to keep the ego intact. That of course is taken to the max with the idea of Heaven because that's eternal life and you can't get any better than infinity right? So they plod on in the course that feels like they are punishing themselves enough for "God" to approve. Our upbringing determines much of our view of god leading some people to much more extreme interpretations of the "word of god". What does this all have to do with ego?

Ego is the concept of one's self and literally is Latin for "I" - our personality, bodies, family etcetera etcetera. Religion states that we are separated from god and are his creations, each one unique. It's this uniqueness and separateness that empowers belief systems like Christianity. When everything is connected and you believe that consciousness is god, matter, the universe, an illusion as some philosophies teach -then you lose the need for all the things that religion promises. If you are already eternal as conscious energy then there really is no reason to get attached to a form because you are constantly growing and evolving as nature does. The interconnectedness of things also removes the need for strict moral codes because any violence committed is ultimately against ones self. Heaven and the "narrow path that leads to life and few there be that find it" becomes useless with only a shift in perspective to acknowledging that you are not your ego. At that point you don't need to hold onto it because who cares?

What happens when we die? I couldn't tell you for certain nor do I care any more. I told my children this past weekend that I could prove to them with their Bible that an eternal hell is a contradiction because no child should have that shit crammed into their head! If sin is what separates you from "God" and "love covers all sins" according to Proverbs 10:12, then how can any reasonable person argue that hell could be eternally separated from god? It's asinine but it give the ego something to cling to because that's what the ego does - tries to survive usually revved up by the perpetual fear of the unknown.  If your ego is steering the ship and it doesn't feel safe you aren't going to sleep too well until you find something that sets your mind at ease.

I was astonished at how it had been staring me in the face this whole time and I didn't realize it - the difference between religion and spirituality really is ego or no ego.