Sunday, August 31, 2014

It's All Your Fault

We built it up then I knocked it down / disintegrated so fast like I dropped and F Bomb on your town / the hit leaves you still standing just rips out your insides / makes you feel like you couldn't give two shits to keep being alive / I straight up flushed us cause I don't shit where I eat / this marriage was all shitkabobs / I looked like methed out skinny Pete. 

I know we said forever but they said the water wasn't deep / like i took off my floaties to wade in the side that's 12 feet / I hit the bottom so fast I didn't know which way was up / felt like I was buried alive but no one gave a fuck / down twice as deep as all the stiffs without a care / it could be six inches or a million, they're not hard up for air / hard on myself cause I can't even jack it / "that's like cheating in your mind" - fucking goddamn fantastic. 

We had all you babies cause in the back of my mind / you seemed to bring joy and purpose / I must be illegally blind / I was trying to get out of prison using you poor kids as a buffer / now you're life dropped to 56k, I'm sorry you have to suffer / through stuttering and stopping watching life in slow motioning / as what you thought was secure got washed away by the ocean / you want it to go back to the way it used to be / but sandcastles can't be fixed when they get beaten by Cs / c u n Ts all need a lesson / throw a dyke in their way for some added protection. 

Years of extra memories that your siblings don't have / more time to get used to a mom and a dad / it's snowing year round since your globe got shook / life's like a robot with Parkinson's - it's motor skills suck / there's aftershocks when people tell you this isn't how life works / fucking with your head, while you try to dig out / but their manual is an etch a sketch strapped to a snow blower / conveniently erased so they can change it on a whim / though they act like it's tattooed on gods arms with a pin. 

You don't have to like me but I'll always be your dad / loving you still in the times you are mad. I know it's rough but I'm doing my best / to clean up what hurricane mom did in the ninth ward of my chest / the demons were looting / cops indiscriminately shooting / it's the innocents catching bullets / victims of this condition called human. The only Kevlar I can give you is advice and love / those hits are gonna hurt but won't send you above.

Life is rough, we don't get to decide if a ticket's booked in our name / we're just here for the ride / it all goes by quick like vanishing fog / just throw your hands up and enjoy the free fall / accept your infinitely small place on times infinite line / expectations will fuck you harder than all of death row combined / keep your head up and know you're always in my heart / it's not over till your last breath / you're going to be fine / never out of mind though I only get to see you every once in a while / you're my daughter, my little girl,  Siobhan, I love you to death. 

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Karma is for Bitches

Philosophical questions are usually rumbling around my brain and one that has been haunting me recently is - where does morality come from? Am I good? Why do I do the things I do? This is a thread I have been pulling on as I attempt to unravel the question of human rights that I have discussed in previous posts. If there is no ultimate authority / highest power aka God as some believe then what is the basis of deserving or rights? Without the big guy making the final ruling, it comes down to what we decide as a majority thereby making morality subjective. If morality is subjective then therefore all rights are as well because your rights only follow what is expedient for the majority. 

For those who believe in a higher power most are good because they either are afraid of divine retribution, they don't want to disappoint a god they view a parent, or they think there is a reward waiting because of all the good they have done. All of those reasons suck and do not make you a good person. There is of course the category of people who irrespective of their belief in the existence of a god believe in Karma - "what goes around comes around" or "you reap what you sow". Belief in karma isn't because you are a decent person, it's because you think you'll be repaid for evil actions or because you don't want to live in a world where people do evil with no consequences. Both are selfish reasons and as the plot of that Seinfeld episode, there is no true altruism. Karma is a bitch because it's for bitches. Newton's Third Law states for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. This could be interpreted as proof of karma in one realm therefore it must translate into other realms and so I suppose belief in karma can be a purely pragmatic intellectual doctrine but my gut says those people are few and far between. 

The bible says "there is none righteous" and I have to agree. People are motivated by selfishness and self preservation either by what they get from their good deeds or what their good deeds hopefully shield them from. I suppose this is a very dim view of humanity but if someone has any alternative thoughts that are less dour then I welcome them. This perspective doesn't make me depressed, I simply like to try sussing out our programming. 

Dragon Con 2014

Living in Atlanta has a few perks and I was able to add a new experience to my list as I strolled through the masses of people attending Dragon Con - a trip to an alien planet filled with elves, x-men, Startrek and Starwars characters and more (although virtually none of the hot and scantily clad women I was promised*). Our group rode MARTA down to the festivities (which seemed no scarier than the MTA in LA or NY so shut up nimrods). We walked around a couple hotels for several hours and had a few drinks simply people watching. Not growing up with all the movies, TV shows, comic books or getting to dress up for Halloween, I was initially ambivalent to the experience. Not to say that I didn't think some of the costumes were impressive; however, seeing an authentic looking Captain Hook engenders the same reaction as the first time I rode a roller coaster at 17 - I chose the scariest one in the park, rode it and then said "that was cool" non-nonchalantly. It's not that I am the embodiment of badassery, although I probably would walk slowly away from an explosion behind me, but it's because I'm slightly stupid and nothing more. I get excited about odd things like seeing a chipmunk scampering across the back porch but the things in life that seem to make other people excited and happy leave me nonplussed. Again, this isn't to say that I was having a bad time, because I was enjoying hanging out with my girlfriend and friends but I could have had just as much fun throwing rocks into a lake.

Halfway through the evening we stumbled into a small ballroom filled mainly with elvish creatures and a band playing on the tiny stage. Maybe it was the second drink starting to hit me or maybe because I was trying hard to feel what everyone else was feeling, but watching a dozen or so random folks join in on a choreographed dance (presumably that woodland creatures do in a land I've never heard of) moved me. The freedom these people feel when they dress up and express themselves at this event is a beautiful thing. Many people laugh and say "what a bunch of stupid nerds and misfits" but there's something special to seeing people who have invested time into creating something magical where they can feel normal and free. That's what everyone wants anyway isn't it, to be accepted and free? So why rag on them for it? After seeing the dancers, I gained an appreciation for how this event could mean so much to people and be such fun. Slowly I started to feel a little excitement when I saw things like Jesse Pinkman and Walter White taking pictures with people. I was told by an outspoken gay man I worked with in LA several years ago "your inner child is dead". Well I think little by little my inner child is being resuscitated and who knows, maybe next year I'll be dress up as something awesome and parade around the Con with my girlfriend.

*There were a few hot chicks and many scantily clad but the combination of the two was as nonexistent as proof that Michelle Bachman has any business being in politics.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

It All Ends Eventually

Many times I have become stressed by an unpleasant job or situation and all my attention is turned to how I can extricate myself as quickly as possible. Unfortunately there are many things in life that suck so when you are constantly trying to avoid all the unpleasantries, you never get anywhere. You aren't going to reach a destination on the other side of a mountain range if you keep taking an easier path every time the one you are on begins to grow steep. If you do somehow make it by circumnavigating the obstacle, you will have wasted a ton of time. 

The truth is that virtually everything ends eventually pleasant or unpleasant whether it be a job, a relationship or life as a whole. People love to tell a freshly inked person "you know that's permanent". First of all - no shit, but secondly, no, it's really not. When you die, if there is an afterlife, your body is gone and decomposed and you'll have a new canvas to draw upon. I remind myself to push through the tough times because before I know it the situation (or life) will be over and it will be on to whatever, if anything, is next. 9.8 times out of 10 what you are going through is not that bad compared to what is possible. You can hold on till a forward, positive change is an option leaving all the circuitous bullshit to the people who have no patience or determination. 

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Worthless Currency

Every time I hear about the items cultures have used as currency in the past it both amuses me and astonishes me that people ascribed value to things like gigantic rocks. It's a reminder to me that very little of what we value really is worth anything except for how we build it up in our own minds. Like the movie Inception, all it requires is a small thought to take root and grow for realities to be changed.

I'm finding now that I've removed the price tags associated with my beliefs and desires, I am evaluating them more clearly. What I thought was worth fighting for or holding on to many times means nothing. A life devoid of worry but filled with love is the most valuable of all pursuits while things like fame, prestige, and power all are bad checks promising to deliver what they cannot. I am not lacking motivation but my focus has been changing towards a more simplistic approach to life. Someone said "the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist" however, I think the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing people to focus on bullshit.

Life is too short to be spent chasing mirages. Success is a natural result of hard work and dedication but striving for success instead of simply following your passions will leave an empty feeling in your soul. 

Monday, August 25, 2014


My writing has not been very prolific recently because I've been adjusting to a new crew which always puts me on a slight edge till I settle in. It's also because I've had a lot of noise in my brain recently that I'm trying to quiet down which is exhausting. Mental peace is the same as physical exercise - it requires practice and time. Having a cellphone in my pocket all day is a huge distraction and at this point keeps my mind further muddled. For a little while I'm going to crawl into my shell and shut out things like the news and Facebook. Instead of playing a game or scanning Facebook when I'm bored, I'm going to try and work on my psyche. The goal is to only check the interwebs once a day, spending my free time getting my head right, reading a book or real human interaction. 

Thursday, August 21, 2014

A Greater Good

Since coming back from our trip out west, life has felt different. When you escape the constant malaise of our modern lifestyle, you realize how much more there is; it's not some platitudinal Miley Cyrus song, there are literal mountains and shit out there to climb. My schedule doesn't have much time left to watch movies or TV but I've lost interest because I feel like I'm wasting my time when there is so much I could be doing. Looking at my life, yes I am providing for my children and investing in their lives emotionally, however, what I do as a career really doesn't add any value to the world. In fact it could be argued that my business is part of the problem. 

The last few days the simplicity of life when I lived in my van has been on my mind and while I much prefer my living situation now (mainly because it's with my girlfriend), I feel restless. I don't want space from her, I want us both to be able to live simply yet fully making the world a better place. There are so many things that could be done right here in our country to help people be healthier and happier never mind impoverished parts of the world. My hopes for the world are probably naive and will lead to disappointment but if someone doesn't try to make a change then it's not going to happen magically. 

It's amazing how one experience can adjust your priorities and mindset. Now it's just a matter of making plans with my other half and putting it in action. In the mean time, this article has some great ways to be involved for good. 

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Public Life

I've been told numerous times throughout my life "only say something if you don't care who hears it". I try to live by that but let it slide recently and am facing the consequences. A conflict arose in the last few months between myself and a boss (also a friend) that I wasn't sure how to handle (and I don't know if they even knew it was a problem) so I vented a little to a couple people instead of going and talking to my friend directly. The truth is I wasn't sure how to handle the situation and was hoping that distance and time would make it better. Much of the problem stems from issues with my mother in childhood not allowing me to let things my boss said or did  roll of my back sending my stress level through the roof. I was hoping that maybe distance was the best solution but I also vented to a couple people because I wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy. Unfortunately one or more people talked, word got back to my friend and now there is a lot of hurt and anger that has yet to be resolved.

Hopefully we'll get this straightened out but the take away for today is that going to the person you have the problem with is best way to handle a situation if you value the relationship. Additionally, know that anything you say (even in confidence) has a high probability of getting out because most people can't keep their traps shut. Live life like it was a reality show and you aren't in control of the editing suite. 

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Changing Calibrations

Recently I read an article about the possibility that the speed of light may be slowing down. Then yesterday I heard that the original cylinder used as the basis for a kilogram has actually been found to have lost a small but measurable amount of weight. Everything in this world is constantly changing with apparently nothing truly remaining immutable: a difficult pill to swallow for some people. 

Human nature doesn't like things to change because they want truths to base their life on or support the beliefs that they have established. An evangelist of note in my parents circles was a man named Ray Comfort who liked to try and prove to people that they were sinners using "laws of nature" to demonstrate unavoidable truths like gravity, therefore "spiritual laws" like the Ten Commandments must also be true. While  I'm not saying there isn't a higher power with a set of moral guidelines because I cannot prove it one way or the other, I am saying that seemingly everything we can measure in the universe is constantly changing. 

Even in religion the original intentions of spiritual leaders become misconstrued over time or lose weight because of societal and technological changes. Many of the dietary laws that the Jews followed in the bible were because they didn't have the technology to preserve food or inoculate animals against parasites. The bible says "I am The Lord. I change not." yet the God in the Old Testament is a cranky vindictive bastard compared to the God in the New Testament. 

If you can't adjust with the times, life will judge you and you'll experience what the detached hand wrote on the wall in Babylon "mene mene tekel upharsin" - you have been weighed in the balances and found wanting. Stay lose - stay relevant. 

Friday, August 15, 2014

The Anechoic Mind

There have been a few times in my life where all the white noise in the background has been tuned out leaving immense clarity, focus and peace. It's like stepping into an acoustic anechoic chamber - a bizarre experience because it is so different from bombardment of stimulation our senses get on a daily basis. Today I came across TDCS (Transcranial Direct Current Stimulation) while listening to a podcast. It's a system of applying a small current to certain portions of the brain to stimulate it for a specific type of activity. According to testimonials it makes you super focused which I surmised was due to it dampening all the other noise in the brain. That was later partially confirmed by one woman saying that the effect lasted for several days where all the subconscious noise in her brain (mainly anxiety) was gone and she had a clear view of who she was "like wiping off a section of a fogged mirror". 

That is exactly the way I have felt in my times in the mental anechoic chamber - like I could see myself clearly. Some people do not seem to have all that noise in the background which probably has a lot to do with childhood however, I don't think it's out of reach for everyone. I plan to build one of the TDCS devices soon and experiment with it myself which I will report back on. My gut feeling is that it probably accomplishes something similar to meditation. When we have stress, I think our brain tenses up and in a sense becomes a hard surface for all troubling thoughts to bounce off of creating a cacophonous fog of mental noise. In a relaxed and placid state stray thoughts simply dissipate their energy having a shelf life shorter than grocery store sushi. 

Clearly my opinions are not based on scientific research but rather gut feelings and existential pondering. Hopefully I'll get a device built soon and be able to have some data of my own to add to the growing number of people experimenting with TDCS. Ultimately though, if the same effect can be accomplished through meditation, I would prefer that since I prefer the any method for mental and spiritual health that is self contained. 

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Failure Is An Option

When you are raised in a delusional religious culture that teaches erroneous formulas for life, it's a huge slap in the face when you encounter reality. I suppose that is the case for any delusional person seeing outside their bubble; however, when God is involved, you feel extra betrayal because it wasn't just you that you were doing all this for - the supreme being lied to you. Life isn't a formula and while there are some things that will help you out in life (my rules for life post encapsulates what I feel is helpful), one of the most important things a parent can teach their child is that failure is an option: in fact it's not a big deal. 

If I had felt that failure was permissible, the undercurrent of anxiety I lived with for years wouldn't have tormented me. It is okay to fail and it's actually good in some instances. You learn more from failures many times than the successes. Failure shows you what you are and what you aren't: it's a mirror of who you are and not what you may have trumped up in your mind. So what, you failed, get back up, assess, adjust and do better the next time. 

Cop Blocked

There are more and more videos hitting the internet of police brutality and misconduct stirring the public into a frenzy. A few points should be considered when watching any sensationalized video: 

1. There are simply more videos of heinous things because cameras have become ubiquitous and most people have their cell phone glued to their hand at the ready. I remember when a camera on a cellphone was rare enough that they actually called them "camera phones". Police probably have always conducted themselves as they are in these videos, you're just seeing it now. 

2. You don't usually see the entire interaction and also cannot use your other senses in the environment. If there is the smell of drugs for instance emanating from a vehicle or house, it gives police exigent circumstances which may come across as an overstepping of bounds to viewers. 

3. The individual in question may be a known dangerous person and while they are reacting calmly in the video, the cops don't want to take a chance of being a victim. 

That all being said, there are many instances where LEOs have clearly gone too far despite any of the points above. Too many people resist making the situation worse because they are "within their rights". I am not condoning bullying however, you wouldn't push a bear in the wild but instead give it the respect it's raw power deserves. Stop fucking with the police, record everything and do the equivalent of curling up into a ball when a bear attacks - be quiet, say yes sir and show you pose no threat. It clearly won't always work but your odds of survival are much higher. 

As far as the cops running around in military gear, it's completely unnecessary bullshit. A lot of officers I've met clearly have a complex and are on a power trip. They wanted to join the military but didn't for whatever reason but now they can pretend to be part of the Bad Ass club. Many people thought Malcolm X was extreme in his views on blacks protecting themselves and striking back however, I think he had a valid point. If the federal government doesn't make some laws regulating and severely scaling back the power of law enforcement soon, people are going to have to go guerrilla in calculated ways.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Game Show Star

She quit the game cause she already played it / left the fame like a snake skin shed it / back when she was young it all seemed worth it, the life of a celebrity, her only purpose.

Dreams were her fuel mixed with rage / punched a hole through that ticket to break out of the cage.
Prove them all wrong but really prove it to herself, she was beautiful, special, different from everyone else. 

Poverty and tears slowly turned to fame / strangers knew her name, critics praised / but the demons won't be quiet like an incurable plague.
Hasn't grown up enough to know herself / pressured to be something different to everyone else. 
Self destruction proves she's not being controlled / she cuts herself on the glamorous lies they sold / snorts up the cloud of evaporating beauty / fucks random strangers to distract from the fury. 

The gold and the lights claimed to equal her worth but the scales started tipping, footing slipping, eventually realizing / it's all a sham / a pipe dream, filled with emotional sewage / mainline to the blood stream a fugazi of fame / it will never fill that hole of self hating shame. 

Finally had enough, vaulted off that triple beam stuck the landing everybody screamed
"Don't leave us, we need you, our fangs will run dry without you to bleed we won't stay alive"
It's all about them and never about you like a toddler screaming in their terrible twos. 

Finally told her agent "you gotta quit trying"
Told herself "I'm sick of the lying"
Found help learning to love herself / emotional masturbation with Buddy the Elf / you gotta do you despite the judgement, it was her life to be lived how ever she wanted. 

Rage slowly dissipated as she came into her own / no longer trying to control the unknown. Passions focused now with nothing to prove / she knows who she is without the family feud. 
The surveys are bullshit, the sample group lies, the channels been changed - fuck that lame prize. 

She quit the game, cause she saw everyone had lost it
Found herself - she was always that picture in the locket. 

Monday, August 11, 2014

RIP Robin Williams

I have only seen probably two movies with Robin Williams (Goodwill Hunting and Jumangi) but his suicide today is still sad to me. Goodwill Hunting impacted me significantly when I was trying to escape from the world my parents had created and forced me into. I will never forget watching Robin portray true love and acceptance - something I never felt my entire life.  Most people who use their lives to entertain other people are doing so because there is deep sadness within themselves and by bringing joy to others they are hoping to somehow convince themselves that they are worthwhile humans and should stick around. As someone who has dealt with these feelings in the past, I assure you you that no on can fill that void save for your acceptance of yourself. It's a difficult road to climb and my heart breaks for those who feel there is no more use for them here on earth before their bodies wear out. I have been there and know the pain but you leave so many behind hurting. Please, hug those around you and let them know you care and if you are one of those who is hurting, know that whatever problems you feel are insurmountable, they are just things and you can overcome them.

A heavy heart goes out to all of you touched by this loss especially those in the entertainment industry. While this business may look glamorous, it's filled with hurting people who just want to be understood, loved and validated. Please don't give up if you are hurting and know that even if the world seems like it's falling down around you, there is always hope.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, Savvy?

While discussing the last post containing my rules for life I was again confronted and challenged on my idea that you only deserve what you work for. Let me set the record straight: I think it would be wonderful if everyone were magically given a salary of $50,000 a year with free health care, child care, education, and hell free food too. I also don't think that anyone should be treated poorly for something they cannot change like their skin color or sexual orientation. That all being said, the world isn't perfect and reality has to be brought to bear (or at least I feel it my responsibility to inform my children): those wonderful notions are just that, notions.

In Curse of The Black Pearl, Jack Sparrow says it perfectly "there are only two things that matter - what a man can do and what a man can't do." While dreams and hopes temper reality and keep us from jumping off bridges, you cannot live with your head stuck in the clouds forever. Eventually you come down and it hurts because at some point you had said "fuck parachutes. Why would I need that thing?".  Life is rough, we don't control other people and despite how hard we wish for things, they don't get done without action. The rules of being a good person don't restrain evil magically - shit happens and no higher power is going around policing the world. I wish everyone had a comfortable life but it's not how the world works and while we can strive for it, it may never happen. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst seems like a sound strategy for life to me.

My Rules For Life

My parents taught me some good values for life but they were almost always melded with some religious undertones which used fear as a motivator. Now that I see life more pragmatically, I have been trying to assess what I can pass onto my kids without the unnecessary rubbish attached. Rustin Cohle said "if the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of divine reward, then brother, that person is a piece of shit". I want my children to choose to be good people not because of theophobia or because it's how they get a mansion in Heaven. This list isn't comprehensive and surely isn't original to me but it's what came out of my brain as I ruminated on the topic. 

  1. You don't deserve anything unless you've worked for it. Anything you get for free is a blessing and you should be grateful for it.
  2. Observe what others are doing and ask yourself why. If appropriate, ask questions even if you aren't interested in what is going on. Learning is never a bad thing and even "random" knowledge will come in handy down the road. You can converse with almost anyone if you know a little about a topic they are interested in and know how to ask questions.
  3. Give your best effort to any task even if others around you aren't. It will eventually open up doors for you. Also be likable and develop relationships - relationships usually trump everything else.
  4. Make an effort to figure things out yourself before asking for help. You don't know what you are capable of until you are pushed.
  5. If someone offers to help you with no strings attached, don't feel bad taking it. If the benefactor has ulterior motives that's not your problem or responsibility. You don't owe anyone anything however, loyalty to solid people should not be underrated.
  6. Respect the principle of the rules, they are usually there for a reason but don't blindly follow them.
  7. You can make your own rules but be prepared that there may be consequences because every decision we make has repercussions.
  8. Someone will almost always have more power than you and you may have to obey even if you don't like it.
  9. Don't accept anything just because someone told you even if you respect them. Think about it for yourself and see if it rings true.
  10. Don't be afraid to be wrong or look stupid but always try to retain your dignity.
  11. Always do maintenance to your possessions and body before they break down. It will cost way more to repair what you let fall into disrepair or bad health.
  12. If you are poor don't pinch every penny but find small ways to enjoy life because what's the point of a life with no fun.
  13. People are going to be unkind, deal with it. Holding onto hurts and anger is like letting people add ball and chains to you that you drag around. The only person you are certain to control throughout life is yourself - get a grip.
  14. Don't ever lie but you also aren't required to tell anyone things your don't want to. "I don't want to discuss this" is an acceptable response.
  15. Don't be a basic bitch : )

Friday, August 8, 2014

Addictive Personality?

I was informed recently that I am perceived as having an addictive personality which took me by surprise. Probably the only thing I've ever been addicted to is working because I was trying to escape the rest of my life. But isn't that why anyone has addictions - to escape real life? In the last few years as I've come to terms with the fact that life is tough but I am tougher, I've realized that I don't want to be an escapist. If I keep my priorities straight and life balanced, then there will be no need to escape. 

My girlfriend asked yesterday if I ever had dreams where I ran from certain death. While I used to, I don't anymore. Dying right now is not something I wish for and I'm not taking unnecessary risks (most of the time) but I'm also not afraid of it. Probably because I had very little control over my life as a child, I learned to do the best I could and accept the rest including the inevitable end of life one day. The only thing I want to control is not letting any thing control me; that and reacting the best I can. My upbringing preached against drugs, alcohol and pornography (among other things) and while I have experienced all of them in limited quantities, none of them have really interested me. Escaping with addictions is stupid to me because I weigh everything in a rough cost / benefit analysis and addictive pleasures always comes up as impractical. Do I sound like Spock here? Yes, but there are facts of life that you can't ignore forever and being delusional is something I've never wanted to be. Death, taxes, betrayal, heartache are all going to happen in life but when you decide to accept reality, it's almost like you get a Teflon coating where shit doesn't stick to you as badly. I guess it's because when you accept the possibility of negatives, you aren't "blindsided" by things and can simply focus on the positives in life. 

Do I have an addictive personality? I don't know and don't want to definitively say no because that seems prideful. However, I do know that I've accepted the harshness of life which has allowed me to open up to all the amazing things in the world - not to escape anything but instead to be an organic part of the cosmos. *If that doesn't sound new-age hippy, I don't know what will*

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Analogies Are Like...

I speak in similes and analogies perpetually / like an addict that's jonesing for a hit of speed. My drug of choice is being understood / but the dealers claim they're out / chase me out of the hood. I need it so much, I swear it keeps me alive, I'll go to great lengths to elucidate my side. Debase myself and share too much, hoping for a fix that rarely shows up. I'm my own TMZ just without a lawyer / council counsels me to try a 12 step but I get stuck in the foyer. 

I'm not crazy, I make sense just listen please, you choose to be as blind as a bat with Beats on crashing into trees. 
I'm sorry if you guys get lost / can't follow my logic / like in a house of mirrors on an island / a purgatory you can't find your way off of. My reflecting is reflected in the words I use / they're not big concepts, but you're fucking confused. / Your brain is a bloody snow globe / when you bump into a wall you don't look for the door just accept it's the end all / be all you want, you're a fucking free human you don't have to keep living like you are Truman. I'm making analogies to open up your mind, maybe if I take religion out of the equation it will make sense this time. 

It's like you were born, had some experiences, then shut down your brain, don't let anything near it / hate that dissonant pain. That wasn't an analogy this time it's a fucking fact, you're stuck in the quagmire, glen came on your back. 
You've made up your mind, all debate is closed / a cold case who's facts will go unnoticed. That grey matter is as useless as what's in a cadaver / you're like one of the idiots who stands on the top of a ladder. Ignoring the warnings, eschewing the advice / if evolution worked in our culture, you'd be deselected from life. 

I'm used to the blind, self deluded, bigotry, but I'll keep using analogies and big words, they're the bees knees indubitably. If they sting, you should probably face the pain / it's a wake up call, you're life your life's a sham shame.
I shouldn't be able to fly but I fucking am / I've got an arsenal of barbs like a Blackhawk in Iran. I'm not trying to be mean, just understood and maybe change the world / do some lasting good.