Thursday, November 8, 2018

Indescribable Being

I thought I knew what I wanted to say, but as soon as I wrote the words down they had to be erased.
Full off the script I keep shoving in my face, I’m eating these lines like an unsupervised fat kid at an all you can eat buffet.

The arrogance apparent, parroting parents till the echos rebounding have faded to transparent.
I’m staring into a pool, the general mish-mash, it’s surface like my mind, sometimes still, sometimes thrashed.

It’s all me, every single problem I see, reflecting the chaos I haven’t set free.
Was blinded by lies though I sincerely believed, angry with the labels others slapped on me.

Till one day I stepped out, saw from the outside, a fourth dimensional perspective - I’m already what I am, no more reason to hide.
Which came first, the seed or the tree? Both - everything is existing simultaneously.

Judged by the fruit, not the name on the seed, words are only useful to constrain the be-ing.

Be here now

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Love is The Answer

“Love is the answer” - Elon Musk on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast. I have zero argument with the man but the statement doesn’t clear the issue up considerably. It’s more like being in a DMZ lacking terms of engagement. I'm new to saying “I love you” to people outside of my children and partner because I'd been concerned that another’s definition of love would open me up to an entire set of expectations to which I wasn’t privy. It’s kind of like when someone says “I want to tell you something but you first have to promise never to tell anyone”. You don’t want to agree because you have no idea what it is you might become party to. Then there is the phrase “if you loved me you would...” - one of the most abused string of words by manipulative individuals because it asserts their self-serving view as the truth. Lack of definition and improper assertion of the true face of love have made many choose to shut down the expression of it in their life.

Is there a character of love that everyone can agree on or is it up for interpretation? Obviously that’s an unanswerable question because love is an idea. However, if I were to take a crack at it I would say this - Love is simply recognizing everything as a reflection of you. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to say “no” or allow someone (including “yourself”) to “fail”, while other times a word of encouragement or helping hand are for the highest good. There isn’t a rule book; there is only treating others as if they were you - what some people call the Golden Rule. That is a love without anything to fear, unless you are afraid of yourself.

Monday, August 20, 2018

Dr. Schrödinger’s Cat in the Hat

"When you are nothing, you are simultaneously everything"
Dr. Schrödinger’s cat in the hat:
Wanted dead and alive - for letting possibility one, two, infinity - do the jail break dance on my eyeWatch.
Unlock the iWants.
GNU licensed IP address hashtagging, public domain walls, sharing with donated fonts.

No past perception based limitations,
Preoccupations or passive aggressions,
You’re irrecoverably relatively / off of the clock,
Irreverently eating green eggs and ham with a relative fox,
Relatively outside of Some Thing’s box.

When you are Some Thing, life is pain - change only happens gradually:
Grey clouds, fore casting heavy reigns - plagued by psychosomatic maladies.
Definitions constrain potential possibility planes – karmically attached gravity.

Gravely it’s a shame,
these grave digging robbers hitting their own gravy trains.
Higher prophets for the highest profits - pump and dump for short term gains.
Preaching doom and gloom,
No long term remainders can remain,
Reminders of the point at which imperfection was detained -
Rounded up,
Eliminated, scrubbed -
The Nothings pile up;
Plucking up a reckoning fashioned from leaving none / but your own blood to suck.

When you are nothing you are everything which is something:
but it’s transitory,
based on a story,
written in blood.

Uno con la nada igual dos,
dos más uno igual tres,
Fibonacci, proporción áurea,
espacio y vez.

Alles sind meine Beziehungen,
(All are my relations)

meine Welt ist Sie Umgebungen,
(My world / kingdom is the environments)

wie ich teile was ich erkenne -
(how I divide what I see)

Macht das Zauber die ich spreche.
(Makes the spells I speak)

все это отражение
(everything is a reflection)

как я люблю жизнь,
(how I love life)

так меня любит жизнь
(is how life loves me)

Бог во всем, что я вижу
(god is in all I perceive)

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

The Permanence of Impermanence

When I was young (which increasingly feels like yesterday) I was under the impression that humans were supposed to be "in control" of their lives and through effort maintain that life till the end. The more I experience, the more I question how much control each of us has over anything. Do we even choose the thoughts that come into our minds or is it merely where we direct our attention which through repetition wears a groove for energy to drop into making that "line of thinking" "second nature" or "subconscious"?

Persistent attention forms natural actions which further wear the groove. A thought obsessed upon with no outlet is like pumping water into a reservoir till it overflows or the dam breaks. Energy always ends up taking the path of least resistance which is why "negative" or "positive" actions are self-reinforcing. Perception of reality is constrained by the sides of the canyon the river of time is flowing through. Altering the state of consciousness through various means breaks the normal state of flow allowing a vision into a more natural way of being, one that is outside of the engrained programming of personal history.

If most action is the natural outlet of energy from perseverating on a thought or idea, perhaps the best actions are the thoughtless ones. Thoughtless meaning: no desire for a specific outcome. We despise the impermanence of life due to the permanence of the changes. Pain is thought to help keep our corpus intact but that pain would likely be ignored if there were an inbuilt regeneration system to restore the status quo. The bulk of our fear of the future is because we do not know if we will regenerate what we perceive is being lost in the passage of time. No matter how hard you try, nothing can be recreated - the same experience had twice. Despite getting everything environmentally to "match", the Observer - you, is not the same for having already previously had the experience. The only way this could be accomplished would be to perform a memory wipe and program your consciousness with the entire sequence up till the point you wish to repeat. Notwithstanding, the highly improbable but necessary rewinding of the entire universe to repeat an event, what would be the point if you didn't remember having repeated it? Without a change in that cycle you end up stuck in "groundhog day", or as some might call it - hell.

Save for experiencing the infinitely knowable yet ultimately inscrutable flow of life, there isn't a point. That's what impermanence is for - having an experience, not something to strive for mastery over and subdue. Everything has cycles to necessitate the illusion of time. The only thing that is intrinsically you is the intangible essence of your perception. You don't ever die or become reborn, you just move between vehicles.

Sunday, June 3, 2018

Beam Splitter


Constant truth and perfection,

Unadulterated acknowledgement of personal intention

Judge not or you will be judged, ROI the measure you meet, lose the beam in your eye before tweezing your bro - internal MPD, externalized foes

They say Jesus said it but then fail to comprehend or heed, interpret the proverb to fix egos pride fiend. 

Main line, a narrow path, chop down all their trees, burn the high places calling them weeds

Self righteous stoners shotgun saw dust from sawed offs, blasting all the wretched sinners they cross. 

Stop parting the seas, Moses step over, Kanye that stick - dick, your turn’s over. 

You see what you want, filtered through personal belief, reticular active your rectum, pop your head out - purge your beliefs 

Step back, whoah that’s whack - shits proportional to how close you are to what you attttack - reflection, your perception, those little dots, only microcosms of logs you haven’t yet chopped. 


Saturday, May 5, 2018

Sadomasochistic Seekers

I've spent most of my life seeking and consequently most of my life rather unhappy. Seeking is proportional to madness because it is predicated on a lie - there is something I'm lacking. "Enlightenment" is seen by many as the righteous opposite to seeking the external aka materialism and is therefore a "better way". However, from my experience (key word "my"), most people seeking internally are as miserable as those seeking fulfillment externally but they boost their ego by thinking "at least I'm trying to do the right thing". When I say "they" I include myself in that because I have had those thoughts.

I was fed up with my career and society as a whole so the end of last year I told everyone I was done with the film business. I wanted to do something that "mattered". This February  I found myself back in the Peruvian jungle. My intention was to get involved with permaculture work in the jungle and hopefully that would somehow open some doors. "At least I'll be helping the planet" I thought self righteously. Sitting chatting on the day I arrived with the friends I would be helping out, I felt a very strong impression from Pacha Mama. We had been talking about the eco-crisis in the jungle and world at large when I thought "this is why I'm here, what can I do to stop this?" I began to feel powerless and a little angry when suddenly I heard "I don't need your help. I could shake you off any time I want to but there is always a bigger system than the one you see. Most of those obsessed with protecting me are doing so because they need to have a righteous cause to identify with. You're job is to live as responsibly as you can and not concern yourself with trying to save me." I was thrown for a huge loop. Why was I here then???

My friends were building a small, simple jungle house a few hundred meters down the road from their agriculture eco project and beliving I had construction experience I offered to help. I ended up building a concrete countertop which took the better part of the month due to most everything having to be cut by hand and using an assortment of reclaimed lumber for the form. The building site was 4km from the edge of town (about 6.5km to the center) so it was sufficiently in the jungle to provide much time alone. Sometimes I would walk (or eventually ride my bike) to town in the evening but even being around people, I was alone. My Spanish was having a hard time improving due to not interacting with many people and for the first couple weeks I felt like I had suddenly become stupid. I knew I wasn't but it still was humbling and made the wall of my own thoughts much more apparent. So many things went through my mind as I worked on the form but the main points are as follows: The universe is much bigger than you and doesn't care how you expect it to act. There's nothing to figure out, just be. The only thing you control is your attention.

Before I arrived in Peru this second time, I thought I knew things. I had come to understand that I don't know much in the scope of life but I still thought I knew how to pour concrete for instance. The mix and drying time in the jungle are significantly different than I was used to. Everything truly is relative and knowledge is specific to certain parameters. I thought I was a hard worker but discovered really it's largely due to the fact that I grew up where the temperature and humidity weren't oppressive most of the year. All the things we consider as us and hold with pride or shame are all bullshit. They're a bunch of environmental conditions that we have chosen to hold on to. Sometimes the universe says "I know you don't mean to be, but you're kind of an asshole", or it did to me. Our technology and machinery have separated us from the earth to where we feel an illusory mastery over her. However, when you step back from all that we've created and experience yourself against the backdrop of nature - you realize how insignificant each of us and our problems are. Does human civilization matter to anyone but humans? I highly doubt any portion of the animal kingdom would miss us but yet we continue to seek and destroy. It might sound odd but feeling my place in things was rather comforting. I didn’t have to take all the pressures of figuring it, whatever "it" is, out. 

Upon returning home I still felt a lot of peace and contentment but as things from the frantic society of the United States have begun to press in, I've found myself seeking once again and proportionally unhappy. The "civilized" world is so out of touch due to it's own detached arrogance that we heap piles of should onto others and ourselves as if we are in control. We hope to change the future and therefore ameliorate the past all the while living in a vortex of hellish judgement. 

The lie / mantra of seekers says: you are separated from xyz and you won't be whole without it. That could be "god" due to some kind of sin (sin only means without) or maybe it's a feeling like being loved; regardless of the situation, something is wrong and the I feels the need to fix it. The unhappiness that drives seeking is based purely in a belief system, not something real. I, the Ego, self - all are constructs of a string of memories that you have chosen to accept as truth. It’s a closed loop that is incapable of growth because growth naturally sheds.  Let me prove to you that for separation to have power, it requires a closed system. The greater your separation, the larger / more desperate the need. Three illustrations follow:

1. Raise a bowling ball 10 meters off the ground and it will leave a dent in the earth. Drop the same bowling ball from two miles and it will go right through a house. Now, break free of the earths gravity and the same ball floats around rather innocuously.

2. Charge a capacitor and then separate the plates, the voltage rises proportional to the distance. This is voltage (also called potential) could theoretically be increased infinitely however at some point the charge would bleed off because just like the bowling ball, eventually one of the parties leaves the system and breaks the bond dissipating the charge. 

You travel abroad and meet a lover whom you pine for upon your return home. Quite out of nowhere you now follow the news about their home country, a place perhaps you never cared about before - watch and cheer for their sports etc. Six months, a year goes by and suddenly you meet someone locally - the charge is sapped off so to speak. All energy takes the path of least resistance and is always looking for a ground / balanced state. 

Conditioning feels true until you are outside the insulation of the system where the built up charge can suddenly dissipate upon coming in contact with the proper grounding incident. That could be a person, an event or simply just a thought that happens to float through your head one day but what triggers it is unimportant. The key is that it's all just a matter of being stuck in a belief system that is a feedback loop. It screeches so loudly that everything contradictory is drowned out. Unplugging the speakers and listening to the silence for a bit is a good metaphorical way to start. 

Many people will say that they "believe in the impossible" meaning "supernatural" or "paranormal" events but the language betrays an unwitting condescension and statement of the actual state of their belief system. Many of the English words used in to describe are based in what I would call "disempowering beliefs". Take "limitless" - to be without limit. That is predicated on the idea of what a limit is. Saying "whole" is different than using the word "unbroken", sure it's a nuance but it still means something. If you didn't have any words, you would have very few thoughts so the words you use have a lot to do with the way you think and perceive life. Do you believe in the impossible or that all things are equally as possible? It's not that you can have the concept of whole without the concept of broken, the point is where is your focus.

I realized that if I say "I feel lost" that implies there is somewhere I think I should be other than where I am. It's not about going on a witch hunt but more about being conscious of the program you are running, deleting it one line at a time with your actual truth, not the bullshit that you were told was the truth for everyone. There is no seeking, all things are accessible right now because all of time and space are connected and non-linear. What we seek (or run from) never is a thing but only an idea that persists for as long as we give it our attention.

At some point in the writing history of this website, I believe I wrote a post extolling the benefits of asking the simple question "why?". I can’t be bothered to search through them all to be certain, but regardless of whether I wrote about it or not, I believed it and now it’s time to recant. I thought that it was the key to figuring out life and personal growth because with sufficient repetition you could unravel any problem. What I would like to submit now is that end of childhood begins with the asking of "why?" They don’t come programmed with words so it’s something that they learn, most likely because they are asked "why did you do that?" usually before being punished. This teaches them to begin defining reality in causal constructs which most people view as a good thing. However, the learned cause and effect is only relevant in a specific system so questioning the "why" of anything is ultimately only fencing you more inside your mind. About the only real answer to the question "why?" is "because you believe it to be". Yesterday I felt like doing something but then the mind jumped in and asked "why? Why do you want to do that?" It wasn’t like the morality was really questionable on anyone’s standards but more of a "what’s the point?" That’s when this change of perspective regarding "why" happened. I’ve seen a lot of things in life both "spiritual" and "material" that didn’t seem to be what they claimed and consequently developed a rather ridged control over "what I believed". I thought being a non-aggressive skeptic was smart, wise, perhaps even good but now I’ve found it to be arrogance and condescension based in fear. Ego, science, religion, history - all are the past intruding on the present, creating the "future": a set of possibilities limited only by your beliefs. 

Inside a LCD (liquid crystal display, what you are probably reading this on now) are several layers of material that convert a stream of information into an image. An over simplification of the device follows: back light, polarizer (5), lcd element (2), polarizer (1. 90° relative to first). The two polarizers block all the light from the back light due to the interference pattern (like pickets in a fence).
When electricity is applied to segments of the liquid crystals, they change their angle of orientation creating a conduit allowing light to pass. (If you want to dig into light polarization further check out this video on Bells Theorem). Essentially, the angle of the crystal defines the possibilities coming out the other side. Screen savers were developed because old CRTs would get "screen burn" where the phosphorus coating would be permanently etched if one image remained for too long. LCD's have a similar issue called "image persistence" where the crystals have a predilection towards the persistent alignment.  Image persistence is generally correctable through a couple simple methods: 1. Power down the monitor for an extended period of time. 2. Use a screen saver that is essentially a pixel wipe. 3. Set the entire screen to one color to reset all the crystals. Why am I still talking about imaging technology? It’s all an analogy. We are made of fluididity, vibration, change - our only definition comes from who we believe ourselves to be. The mind is the liquid crystal with the polarizers of society only passing through what our conditioned beliefs permit. 

Imagine the entirety of the universe being a single conscious photon. The only way for it to experience anything would be through reflection. No two beings have the same experience of you as you. We are all mutually reflective of god experiencing itself infinite ways through these forms. As perfect and whole as we believe it to be. 

Only a heart and mind that do not wish: to define, confine, unravel the divine - simply accepting it is all around, will find the end of seeking intersects with infinity.

Friday, April 13, 2018

Cutting Edge

If I asked you to describe “what the function of a knife is”, what would you say? There are a number of actions that could be accomplished with an edged implement depending on your utility - weapon or tool; however, it all can be distilled in the following description: a blade divides or separates things. Amputations, slicing a pie, life from a body - all are separating something whole.

When most people learn math they are told “subtraction is the opposite of addition and division is the opposite of multiplication”. This however is false. Subtraction is opposite to addition but it is also the conceptual doorway to imaginary numbers and debt. Division differs from multiplication because if you multiply whole numbers together, you will always get a whole number as the product; this is not always the case with division ergo they are not the same. Multiplying is adding in sets and the Japanese have a very ingenious way of demonstrating this visually with intersecting lines which stand for different powers of ten (here is a link Japanese Line Multiplication if you would like to see a video). When you divide something you are saying “how many pieces can I separate this thing into?”. Before we go too far down the mathematical philosophy rabbit hole, let’s get back to knives.

In any primitive society the ability to create a sharp edge would be one of the first and possibly the main tool to springboard significant advancements in many fields. Which is curious because if you look at many “eastern philosophies” they are based on the idea that division is not only illusory but is the cause of the illusion. It seems as if you could parallel “societal evolution” with the expansion of the illusion commensurate to the technology of the time which serves to separate us further and further from everything natural. That may seem like a paradoxical statement due to the wireless age “bringing the world closer together” but the old axiom “believe half of what you see and less of what you hear (or read)” seems to have been lost on most internet users as they assume that what they ingest on a daily basis is an accurate representation of reality.

Particularly now with our ubiquitous electronic gadgets, we have created a cacophony of electromagnetic noise that our bodies are effected by at a molecular level. MRI, EEGs and the like have shown that our brains operate on, radiate and are effected by electromagnetic radiation. Up until a hundred years or so ago, there was essentially no EM (electromagnetic) pollution and the further we have pushed ahead into our digital age, the further disconnected from nature and ourselves we have become as well as experiencing an explosion in “diseases” and “conditions”. All of this pollution very likely serves as a jamming signal blocking out the natural field from the earth and cosmos. This could account for why you physically and mentally feel different after spending some time in remote places far away from any “modern technology”. Your biological rhythms synchronize back up to the earths field which promotes health and well being.

I still haven’t come back to the knives. In the Christian Bible it says “The word of god is quick and powerful, sharper than any two edged sword. Piercing even to the dividing asunder of souls and spirit, joints and marrow...” Hebrews 4:12. There’s the dividing again and in Ephesians 6:17 it calls the “Word of God” the “Sword of the Spirit”. There is also a “belt of truth” perk in that armor package which is interesting because the “word of god” is also referred to simply as “truth” other places in the book which kind of makes the belt and sword the same thing but I digress.

To one way of thinking (or non-thinking) truth and falsehood are illusory. Adherence to a belief in distinctions is the cause of “samsara” “being stuck in the same pointless cycle”. As soon as you define something as “immutable truth” you have taken an invisible sword “dividing asunder” what heretofore was whole. In Genesis when it talks about the forbidden fruit in Eden, it says in was from "the tree of the knowledge of good and evil". This implies that the condition of "good and evil" pre-existed however, what if this were not entirely the case? The act of accepting good and evil as a concept and consequently the act of "disobedience" creating a separation from "god" could be the partial "genesis" of why the world is how it is today.  Kat Williams does a great bit about insurgents that conveys this point. “They use words you cannot identify on the news to confused you. ‘today five insurgents were killed...’ Whatever, I ain’t got one insurgent friend, kill em all”. This is a paraphrase but illustrates the point of how separation through distinctions held as true has brought human civilization to where it is now - the epic struggle over various peoples views of what is good and evil and how they are different. Clearly this is something that is learned because "animals" can be taught what they "should" and "shouldn't" do even expressing guilt and shame, joy and gratitude. A pet's culture is usually limited to their "owner" so the canine community seems to have a huge range of perceived intelligence and social capabilities. Humans however, have the vantage of a much larger pack system and our expectations of each other are much more standardized.

Shamans believe that all time is now which makes sense according to some theories in physics. This means that the Heaven and Hell people talk about aren't destinations like Fiji or Siberia - it is a state of being which is why Christ said to be like a child if you wanted to enter heaven. A child hasn't been programmed yet. You know they are when people comment on how adult they are acting - meaning you do what is expected of you. That doesn't mean you cannot be mature and still be innocent but innocence is generally coupled with being unfettered. This offends people who are locked into a particular mindset due to holding onto past experiences. Every mental / emotional state is available now it's just a matter of how you let your perception direct your attention. Of course this may additionally upset people because you aren't "reacting to things like a normal person" but isn't that the point?

I don’t think technology is bad necessarily but I do think the level of integration and use is grossly exceeding healthy limits. Technology is mostly a synthetic for what we are all capable of but have lost the knowledge of its possibilities. Perhaps it’s not just the knowledge but lack of belief uncoupled from attachment to a result. The first time, or first week of sitting in meditation "trying to have an open mind" without having had a “mystical experience” or at least gained some peace many give up. Humans have a terrible habit of expecting skills that take time to develop be innate. For example most parents and teachers will tell children to “concentrate” without ever teaching them how. This leads to the child accepting the belief that “I cannot concentrate. I’m just not good at it. I have AD.. (you fill in the blanks)”. Very few people are competent on their first experience with something new but because things move at such a fast pace in most of the world today we forge ahead covering up our panic and “insufficiencies” with distractions and escapism.

Ready Player One is a vision of the not too distant future that seems unnervingly accurate. People are absorbed with the virtual world because the real world is such shit. With everything going on in the world now available to consume digitally, the 24/7 fear mongering, there is a lot to want to escape from but that’s slapping a bandaid on a sliced jugular. With all the school shootings, many folks bandy about gun control, others scream about it but I’ve not heard a single person say “our society is sick and this is a symptom”. There seems to be a lot of truth in the Celestine Prophecy specifically where it says, in our disillusionment with monarchs and religion we turned to science to give us an answer. Since no answer has been returned, we have settled for pursuing technological advancement for the purposes of our own comfort but also as something to do to maintain an illusion of control over our fate or at least distract us from it.

Is division of things wrong? Should knives be banned from the next time civilization reboots? Is truth a fallacy? Those are questions I will leave for you to ponder because my belief system is that people need to learn to hear themselves and connect to whatever it is that has heart for them. The only recommendation I could have is get to know yourself. Who are you if you stripped everything away? Is what you perceive yourself to be simply the compilation of your memories, "achievements" and experiences or is there something more? The modernized world operates with a majority of the population running down a road of debt and hard work chasing the carrot of retirement only to have no teeth left to chew it with when they finally get it. Retirement is about the idea of being free to do what ever it is that you want but in addition to many having little physical stamina, they also have no clue who they are or what they want and simply waste away filling their time with TV, food, alcohol, whatever. All those wanting freedom but "working for the weekend" to escape the week and feel temporarily free, valuable energy (time, money etc) are frittered away. What are we ultimately trying to escape? Personal honesty is a knife I think I can endorse.