Saturday, November 16, 2019

A Bee in the Hand

When I was a child, around 9 years of age, I vividly remember standing on the front porch of my family's house one beautiful late spring afternoon. My arm was lying on the porch railing palm up as I listened to my mother engaged in her speciality of dragging a goodbye into a 45 minute conversation to the visitor's car parked 15 feet away from the front door on the street. Suddenly a bee landed smack dab in the middle of my palm sending my heart rate up and inciting me to interrupt the ongoing conversation rather abruptly as I pointed out my situation. The only "help" I received was the admonition "don't move and it will go away" and I believe that was followed up with "say excuse me next time" but memory is a funny thing especially when there is a bee krumping in the middle of your hand.

The adult conversation promptly resumed and I did my best to become a slab of granite. I'm pretty sure the thought "if it stings me is it because Jesus wants me to know how he feels like when I sin?" went through my head but didn't last long. An all too hasty deliberation for my liking and the bee decided the hand was in fact where she wanted to leave her stinger and unceremoniously depart quickly changing my focus.

For years I've wondered why that bee chose to sting me when I meant her no harm and was attempting to be "non-threatening". Did I flinch a little? Maybe I was quivering in fear and I should have been more brave somehow? Hyperbole and crucifixion references aside, into my early twenties I would still think that things like this were possibly related to "god" punishing me or trying to teach me a lesson. This incident with the bee has been an analogy for much of my life; freaking out on the inside because of fear of pain yet trying to hold it together on the outside in the hope that somehow the danger will go away - only to get stung and feel lied to and / or incompetent at life.

This bee buzzed around my mind for so long because I didn't know that reality is created from the inside - that which you are projecting. For example, a "negative reality" is comprised of focusing on what you are trying to avoid experiencing. Labels aside, what you project is inexorably drawn to you. It's not really a "lesson" outside of the fact that perhaps at some point you will realize that you are the common denominator and therefore the genesis of the experience. The truth is that Attention Draws Subjects into Reality is neither benevolent or malignant - it simply is a principle of the Physics of Consciousness.

All objects travel in a straight line unless acted upon by an outside force. This is why you can both see the "future" (the current trajectory extrapolated w/o deviation) and also change said "future". In this scenario "trajectory" is not referring to a shift in dimensional motion but a re-ordering of dimensional structuring which will naturally alter the extrapolated trajectory. What you believe is like a tuning fork - when activated, the resonance becomes your reality and is continually self-reinforced through experiential confirmation, a feedback loop, thereby conserving energy and theoretically sustaining the system over the longest term. That bee was like a grave stone for all the bones already buried in the coffin of my subconscious - No matter how perfect you try to be it will never be good enough and you are going to feel pain. 

Change the structure - change the trajectory.

Lacking an understanding of this simple truth leads many to build bunkers, castles with boiling oil and flaming arrows in the parapets, space stations - you name it; they're only barricades to keep the depths of our subconscious from invading our conscious reality.

Sometimes a bee in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Thursday, March 21, 2019

Mutually Inclusive Conclusive

That which is heavier,

Allows that which is lighter,

To rise.

While that which is lighter,

Allows that which is heavier,

To fall. 

Mutually conspiring.

Flowing ad infinitum. 

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Driving Out of the Moment

It's always a bit odd to do something you feel completely competent in after a short hiatus from the activity. For example, driving an automobile yesterday after spending two weeks in Peru where the only transportation I was in command of were my feet and a motor-scooter (for one day). We encounter "different" experiences all of the time however, our societal recalcitrance allow the experiences to push us back into our comfort zone before learning anything - unless that comfort zone has been shredded like a Banksy painting.

As I headed out to the chiropractor to get some of the hours spent sleeping in diminutive beds and airplane seats released, I noticed a stark contrast between my current mental state vs when I was navigating the roads and traffic in Peru on the scooter. No, shit Sherlock, right? It's a mini-van vs a 150cc scooter, of course it's a different experience; however, while related with the type of vehicle being operated, there were also the traffic flow and road surfaces that made the experience different. The "Western world" has gone above and beyond in the pursuit of comfort and ease. Just watch a car commercial and you'll see the intangibles they are peddling - power, safety, comfort, freedom, prestige. Externals filling in the gaps perceived in the wall of our personal fortress against the outside world. Switchfoot has a great line in the song Gone - "outside of our convenient Lexus cages", a quite accurate depiction of our mentality. Societally, we have accepted that we are all separate entities milling about this "third rock from the sun", each trying to create an all encompassing garrison wherein "things" can stay just as we like them. However, the walls that are supposed to keep us safe can just as easily be a prison. 

When you are driving down a potholed dirt road littered with puddles of unknown depths or through traffic with little regard for lighted signals and none for stop signs, you have to become hyper-focused. Obviously it's not the same level as Formula One racing but I felt a glimmer of the description I had once read of the occupation - a complete immersion and presence with the road and vehicle as if "you" and "they" (the road, elements, vehicle etc) are one. There is no thinking about what is for dinner later, the bank account balance, whether or not your relationship is going to work - it is only single minded focus on the data screaming through you that must be traversed to reach the destination that was the focus the entire time. Operating a fully enclosed tin / plastic can in the United States stuck me as very much the opposite of this fully immersed experience. Even our expectation of others following traffic laws is another way we hide from the present. This is not to imply that traffic laws should be chucked but because they are in place, many drivers feel that they can detach from monitoring the pulse of the moment to run away into something else "more productive - formulating a plan for the future, listening to a podcast, talking on the phone etc. 

Much of the "necessities of life" are considered drudgery to "civilized folks" so our "technologically advanced" society has, to quote many advertising schemes over the years, "we've worked hard so that you won't have to". Of course you end up paying your hard earned money so that you won't have to keep working hard, only to then have a new problem - what to do with yourself. These days filling "empty" time is as easy as flipping on a device and binging some online streaming content or hanging out at a bar for hours to watch other people do things on the television. None of this is meant to imply that these activities are wrong but merely to point out the fact that we do things we don't enjoy to procure money that is supposed to then create the space of ease or more accurately - allow us to be a version of present, where our sense are overloaded with input that overwhelms the foreboding fallacy we call the Future. Ironically, we want to do nothing and have attempted to create a world devoid of labor yet when we have nothing to do we become anxious and desire to fill that space. 

Instead of driving out of the present moment we can each embrace the wonder that is contained in being. In this state you aren't striving for ideas of perfection but instead are doing whatever comes naturally in that flow. Doing not for the sake of a "outcome" but purely out of interest and excitement in what you are doing. I imagine that if bees have thoughts like us there are some that see everyday of pollen gathering as a horrible grind, while others might see it as an exciting treasure hunt to tasty treats traversed on the marvelous mechanics of their wings. Everything is a choice of perspective - there is surrender or there is not. The lack of surrender is where all the cacophony of opinions clashing in the world are derived from. As a friend put it "having an opinion is not a skill". Opinions are entirely a mental construction formulated through one's ego stating it's belief on how it can best self preserve hoping to gain energy, and therefore "security", through swaying others to see the world as it does.

Denzel Washington in Equalizer 2 has a fantastic scene where he's cleaning graffiti off a wall in his apartment complex and has a conversation with a young man who tells Mr. McCall "someone else should be doing that". Robert (McCall), responds with one of the most direct and powerful monologues I've seen. I don't have the exact quote but the bones of it is "all the time people spend talking about what 'should' happen, they could have been doing something about it". The sign in front of a plant has no bearing on what it is going to become and is really only potentially confusing to those who have to read signs to "know".